Everybody knows about the health risks of overeating. What some people don't know is that emotional eating is the biggest factor in overeating. Without understanding emotional eating, losing weight is virtually impossible.
Overeating and emotional eating , however, have many hidden consequences. Below are five you should consider.
1. It Can Damage Your Relationships
However, the more accustomed you get to the relief, the sooner and more frequently you will turn to food when the going gets rough in a relationship. Instead of working through your differences in the living room with your spouse, friend, or family member, you will find yourself making a trip to the kitchen at the very first sign of tension. As time goes on, problems pile up in the relationship, tensions build, and tempers flair. The habit of turning to food for comfort gets so ingrained that you don't learn the necessary skills of communicating, getting needs met and deepening intimacy. Over time your relationships don't get better, you just get bigger.
2. You Neglect Your Ambitions
One of our members, Susan, shared an interesting story with us on this point. She said that most of her life she wanted to be writer, but she always criticized herself for not being "good enough." She felt stuck. Her ambitions felt out of reach and she began turning to food for comfort. After a while, she stopped writing all together and used food as a way to push down her disappointment. Instead of working on her craft she just gave up.
Luckily, Susan was able to break this pattern. She saw how emotional eating was interfering with any chance she had of reaching her goals. When she got her emotional eating under control she started to write again.
3. It Bottles Up Your Feelings
However, feelings need to be addressed. They demand to be addressed. You might be able to avoid them for a while, but the important ones will keep coming back in new, unpleasant ways. The more you overeat to deal with your emotions the more emotions pile up in the background, waiting to come out. And the bigger that pile gets, the more frightening it becomes.
4. It Makes Your Fears Seems Larger Than Life
The emotional eating habit prevents you from facing your fears directly. This allows them to take on a whole life of their own. Rather than being a simple challenge or self-doubt, they begin to grow and grow until they seem impossible to face. When a fear feels so large, eating begins to feel even more alluring.
5. It Can Make It Hard to Love Yourself
Conclusion overeating affect more than just your body and health. The problem becomes a self-sustaining cycle. While stuck in the cycle, it usually feels impossible to get out.
The good news is that escaping the cycle is possible, and that it's even easier than it feels. The key is to start making small, positive changes. Instead of eating after a fight, go to your spouse and talk about it. Instead of feeling frustrated, find a small thing you can do to move closer to your goals. You won't all of a sudden have a perfect relationship or achieve your dreams. However, these small steps begin to snowball, just like emotional eating, but in a positive direction. The more you make small, positive changes, the less you will eat, which will make you feel better, which will make you eat less, which will make you feel better, and so on.
The bottom line is that these sorts of consequences to emotional eating & binge eating are real and difficult to bear. But, it's possible to escape the cycle and end emotional eating.
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58 Comments In the order they were posted.
Caroline said...
Help me!!
Sarah said...
I need your help!
Nancy said...
Sounds easy, but if you have been stuffing yourself all your live it is VERY hard to change.
Anita said...
I thought the same thing about it is very hard to change. Although this is very true, you have to want to do it for you, No one else, just you. I decided that my health was more important than all the comfort foods. If I wanted to be around to see my grandchildren grow up I needed to change something. You'll feel better inside and out. I could not have done it alone though, the power of prayer works wonders and can keep you on track
Shoua said...
I can gain weight easily and lose it fast too. I lose weight when i'm too busy thinking about it. My job, life, and family keeps me busy 24/7. That's when I forget about food, and with all that I'm constantly walking whether it's to my car, pick up the kids, play witht he kids etc...it's still burn calaries.
Ashley said...
I don't know how to stop.. but I want to learn.
Heather said...
The comments under the heading of Making it Harder to Love Yourself nearly blew me away. I'd never, ever thought that I was so hard on myself I hope this new knowledge will help at last - I've been comfort eating since I was 12 and I'm now 66!!! Seems I need to be a lot more gentle with myself.....
B said...
Wow...Right on the head with all of them! Now what though? I need help too!
Gail Venter said...
It always sound easier than it is but these articles have helped me because it has help me recognize and start to face the issue. Thanks
Pam said...
I am a recovering alcoholic for 7.5 years and an ex-smoker for almost 2 years. That was easy compared to overcoming emotional eating. All the things I read are absolutely me but is it as simple as making little changes? It seems like a mountain!
marcy said...
I have always used food to repress my feelings of not being good enough, no matter how much I do accomplish, I feel it's not good enough.
It feels good to be understood, when I read the articles here.
Yvonne said...
I am in recovery for several addictions, food being one of them. I am an emotional eater. I will be 45 this year and have been using food for emotional support and cover up since i was 4. It is very hard to give this up, not impossible though. You have to use the tools of recovery to help you every day and the living and practicing the 12 steps in my life give me the greatest source of strength and support. I am worth it and I finally believe it after all these years of self destruction. I am a survivor and my life is worth more to me than it ever was. Good luck and blessings to us all who suffer from emotional eating
Baylis said...
This is good. I found a website that helps with food addictions, among other addictions. It is called setting captives free, and it is awesome. Go to the site and look for food under addiction courses. It helped me and my sister, and I am still working through the lessons.
J said...
This is the biggest secret I keep. I soothe myself and then loathe myself. How do I ever consistenly stop? More importantly, how do I not instill the same habits in my children?
Rosemary said...
These articles have really helped. I think coming to terms with the fact you have an illness is a huge step, and the biggest factor helping me is to find out what emotions i have been bottling up. It is straining on my long-term relationship, and my strength and will power are taking over every thought, but it is worth every second!! I found one of my bottled emotions was hatred for the way i look...i now feel determined to lose weight and not binge as once i feel good in my body, i wont NEED to binge as much! Hope everyone can find the strength i have!!
Jacqui said...
Yes , I agree with lots that is written here, but what are the statistics for mental breakdown, whilst dieting and trying to recover from emotional eating? I think the Health Service has an impossible task on it`s hands trying to deal with the obese issue . I have achieved so much in my life, given up smoking too, but , understanding all the issues, dieting and piling on the pounds again, countless times leaves me without much hope of a cure. I see myself carrying on in the unhealthy yo yo dieting style that I have become accustomed to , it is ingrained, part of me unfortunately.
Martina said...
Stop punishing yourselves.Sincerely,you all just need to let go.I have.
Megan said...
I have never been anywhere close to my healthy weight range since I was 5. I don't know what it feels like to be healthy/skinny - I don't know what it is that I am missing out on. I don't know who I am underneath the weight. It is easier to think that I am unhappy because of my weight. How would I cope if it turns out that I don't like myself regardless of weight. What happens then?
Carrie said...
The main motivator for me has been this: learning to like yourself through keeping your own promises to yourself. How you do you feel when someone close to you tells you they'll do something and then they don't? You'd be mad, right? The same holds true to yourself: If you tell yourself you'll do something and don't, you won't like yourself. SO, it's going to suck, it's going to be emotionally strapping. Stopping yourself from eating when you WANT to and tasty treats are in front of you is physically going to being nearly impossible for awhile, but you just HAVE to push through it and keep some simple promises to yourself. I've been doing it for 2 months now and I PROMISE keeping that promise to yourself, not to eat unless you're actually hungry, will keep getting easier and your stomach will get used to a healthy amount of food. I also PROMISE that it'll still be hard! My husband has had to listen to a LOT of my ramblings and bad moods about how I wanted to eat but I didn't- I complained instead and let out my frustrations.
keri said...
All of these thins are SO true.BUT how canI stop from seeing food as my only real "friend" in life.I just can't seem to make those small steps recommended to start to feel good about myself.
Ida Kendall said...
Emotional eating IS the hardest part of food management, that's for sure. As a behaviorist in private practice for 17 years, I work with people on 2 main issues for emotional eating: not speaking their truth in the moment, and surpressed angry expression - often at the maternal authority figures from the past. Speak up! Speak out! It helps to balance the energies. Also, don't stay up late people, the hormones rev up again and encourage us to eat. 10 - 11 pm bedtime lets your body rest.
Ana said...
It feels as if the monster has grabbed me again...and it will not let go. All I can think of is food. I am married to a doctor who, unfortunately, has no understanding of my disease and who often blames me for my inability to control that and who makes me feel like a failure even more, because I am often not able to keep my word and stay away from overeating! So he worried about me...and then blames me!!!!!! ! I feel so lost and alone!!! Help me!
E said...
I feel like an addict how can I stop overeating I can not relax until I am stuffed, please help
Ali said...
I have realised recently with the help of a very good friend that i do have an addiction to food. Most of the time its on my mind and when its not its probably because im actually eatingbingingi have tryed lots of different ways to overcome it but never seem to get any wher, i suppose now its down to will powerwhich again is rather difficulti too am very hard on myself and constantly have battles in my head with me but im really doing my best to ease up and slow down and remember that ALL IS WELL!
Rose said...
For the past few years I have been aware that my overeating was much more than just eating the wrong foods and lack of willpower. It is so maddening when someone well-meaning says something like, "Why don't you just cut out fat?" or bread or snacks, etc.Since joining this program I've been feeling so much better about myself and HOPEFUL for the first time in many years. I haven't lost much weight yet, about 5lbs in 8 weeks, but I can say no to eating more and don't feel panic- stricken when faced with a meal out, that I used to feel that I HAD to eat because the food was there. Now I can listen to my body and not want to eat too much as it makes me feel uncomfortable. Even if I didn't lose any more, and I certainly do need to! I have more confidence and self respect and have made a few positive changes in my relationships. I feel that I AM worthy of consideration and don't need to be a doormat. My life is no longer constantly dominated by food. Thank you for a wonderful program!
emma said...
i am a emotional binge eater i have recently been diagnosed
i detest looking in the mirror,i think i am also a failure in whatever i do i am currently being seen
jeanie said...
I need your help to save my life to put a stop to this eating. thank you jeanie
mj said...
I think I need an action plan. How about the rest of you? I can certainly relate in some way to all the comments, but I guess after reading a few of these articles, I think I need to come clean with my own feelings, perhaps journal why I want to eat whenever I think about emotional eating. Mostly my issues are feeling so overwhelmed in life and I guess not really feeling comfortable/good enough around others.
seonaid mackenzie said...
I went to OA this week, and met many people like myself, i never realised i was an addict, yo-yo weight for 42 years, and used food as a weapon. my husband in AA, addicts attract but he is getting much better
Tricia said...
At the age of 49 I was diagnosed with ADD. That explains a lot about my low self-worth. I have managed all these years by stuffing myself with food so I would not feel that I was so different from everyone else. That is how I cope with everything in my life now, I don't know any other way. Now it has come down to my health and quality of life. I must do something, but whatever I do it has to make sense to me and be explained in a very clear manner. I have done years of therapy but never got down to the real reasons for my overeating.
sara said...
I feel so helpless, i have so many blocked emotions that I have covered up with binge eating for the past 16 yrs of my life. I feel totally miserable when I eat too much and then feel fantastic when I have done really well, its like an emotional roller coaster and I have tried everything from diets to gyms to weight loss clubs and I need to come to terms that this will need to be dealt with by taking a really good look at how I got to this stage in the first place, it isnt easy but i am hoping this program helps , i need to find inner peace with myself.
Sherry said...
TO ANNA:
Your Dr. is a co-dependant! He needs help. I know because I am one to my alcoholic husband. I'm also an overeater. Don't let him make you feel worse than you already do. Ask him to dis-engage from your struggles! His negativity just makes it worse for you. Good luck
Michelle said...
It's a huge misconception that if you can't adhere to a sensible eating plan that it's because you have no willpower. Without an understanding of Emotional Eating you have no choice of winning the diet game.
Terri said...
I read your comments and I know your pain. I am in the 3rd week of this program, and I promise you, I am getting better already. I have had some very good conversations with my husband, revealed some feelings I have been stuffing. The world didn't cave in. In fact, it felt freeing! Better than overeating, as difficult as talking about my feelings were. You need to know, if you think it is impossible to stop emotional eating, then it will be. Don't be afraid to hope. Try this program, it works. I know I will be free of my overeating, etc...this program will help.
alice said...
nice nice piece
alice said...
nice nice piece
Eileen said...
It is nice to hear so many others who feel similarly to me. I really believe conquering emotional eating is the key to health us happiness for those of us who suffer from it. I have tried to do the program a bit this week and it has helped. It is very hard to stop myself from emotional eating though, and I am resistant to it. However, I am going to keep trying and I hope, like Carrie said above, that it gets easier and easier. Rose, I think it is great that you are improving your self-esteem and relationships. Keep it up! I know exactly what you mean about people who don't understand emotional eating and their diet "advice". It is infuriating, and they just don't get it! But, I have learned that I can trust my own judgement about food. I KNOW what I should eat, that is what I always tell people. I KNOW wat is good and bad for me and what will make me thin/fat. The problem is that I eat to fill an emotional void in me, or to deal with anger, frustration, and feelings of failure. THIS is what I need to stop.
D said...
How do you talk to a 93 year old woman without causing her to have a stroke or a heart attack? You are not going to change her now she wouldn't listen then and she won't listen now. Yes, I need help, so how can I do it without hurting someone that I love, but don't necessarily like...any suggestions?
teacherdan said...
thank you thank you thank you...just what i needed to hear today...although i admit i was about to close out the email and delete it. it sure is something to think about and dwell on. i'll give it a try.
Donna said...
I knew that I was harming myself physically, and I knew that I loathed myself for overeating. But, I have never thought about these 5 complications from it. What an eye opener. Now, how do I stop this insane behavior? I've been doing it for so long, I can't stop. I'm not stupid... I know what to eat, what not to eat, portion sizes, etc., but how do I put it all into practice? I'm 58, and recently divorced after being married for 39 years. Hubby got a girlfriend, kicked me to the curb and now I'm trying to make it financially. I'm diabetic with a heart rhythm problem... take sooo many meds. Help me to help myself, and break this crazy cycle of emotional eating!
intelligent girl said...
It is tough - the choice between staying in the cycle and breaking out and facing some intesne painful emotions. I am trying to take the small steps but constantly feeling like there is a barely chained monster ready to let loose and it is horrid. And it is part of me - my internal rage. I guess that the only way forward is in small manageable steps. I too have diabetes and understand how quickly one can slide down the path of terror, but, when I have been sliding down it for a so long, how comfortable it has become. I am committed to staying off it whatever that means in terms of frightening and new emotions.
Tammy said...
you mean more than what you dont or what you do put into your mouth.....you are a gift
s said...
I wish I knew an answer to constantly wanting junk food. I am not a big meal eater, but I can't see any type of junk food witthout eating it. If I have candy I have to eat it all. I don't know how to ignore this type of food, I feel it has to do with low self esteem.I don't know the answer.
Lisa Pasternak said...
Ida Kendall's comment about speaking up and speaking out and not staying up late really resonates with me, however, the reason I eat is because of frustration that my upstairs neighbor is a mom of three kids who developed the habit of sleeping from 11:45-2:45 daily - and then making noise and exercising in her house 11:30 p.m. at night. I therefore eat out of frustration and boredom as my previous attempts to get her to be quiet have been largely ignored. I feel like a wimp and I feel exhausted very often and the anger and frustration and stress cause me to feel depressed - which I read is really anger turned invward. I berate myself for not sleeping during the day when she sleeps as I have flexible hours however I cannot work after 9:00 p.m. and I do need to work at least 5-6 hours each day, plus housework, errands, prayer, socializing, prayer, etc. I have tried banging back which helped for a really short time and I didn't eat during that time!!! because I was expressing the anger.
el said...
i HAVE been an emotional eater for 8 years. i use to binge almost every day, but now , i really want to stop. i want to change my life for ever
Nadine said...
I've just read all the above comments and like so many of you I've experienced much of the same pain, frustrations, etc etc. This is my first week on this program and I must say I find it very enlightening and thought provoking. I am struggling with the technical aspects of learning how to work the "threads" etc etc. I am only computer literate with the wordprocessor. Any advice would be helpful. I am feeling really positive about the program. I've not had any desire to binge or overeat since starting it. For the first time in a very long time I feel confident about my ability to manage the huge problem of overeating. You see, I am going to be 75 years old next Monday.
Lynda B said...
So many of these comments are so true to my own behavior. My emotional/Binge eating is ruining my life. I feel so totally out of control. I binge which brings an alomost HIGH, only to absolutely loathe myself afterwards. Th eone thing I have not heard in any of these comments is the erasor....for me, I use exercise occationally purgingto erase what I have done with food. Luckily or not so luckily I am physically fit enough to go and run 10-15 miles after a binge to try and erase what I have eaten. Im trying to gain control of my emotional eating but am now to the point that I have 1 good day/ 1 bad day/ 1 good day/ 1 bad day and so forth. So 50 of my life is binge eating! My health is an important reason for me to gain control of this obsession as well as the fear that I will pass this on to one of my children, although I hide my binges very well!!
Candice said...
I need help. I don't even know when I'm emotionally eating. I've been eating this way, since I can remember. My husband is as thin as a rake. He eats whatever, whenever he wants to and doesn't put on any weight. This temptation is killing me. Its hard for me to stick to any diet and believe me there were many. I know I'm an emotional eater, I can't control it, can't tell the difference betw physical and emotional hunger anymore. I'm obsessed with weight loss, eg in a day it crosses my mind at least 80 of the time. PLEASE HELP ME!!
Diane said...
I have been a binge eater for much of my life, even though weight wasn't an issue for me I began dieting in my teens then came bingeing and purgeing in my late teens. I have tried everything from Overeaters Anonymous to weight watchers and nothing seems to be permanent. I always go back to binge eating or should I say,emotional eating and sometimes still purge.This causes great shame and hopelessness. I am now 48 yrs old and pray that this program will help.
bryan said...
Hi all,
I see we all have the same problem. But I see way too much "I can't" here.
I am 310 pounds. I was 333 pounds. I have a long way to go, but I think I know the answers now.
I tell you this not to brag, because I won't have anything to brag about until I hit 200. I tell you this because I want you to know you all have it in you to do this.
I am 32 years old. I have been fat since I was 4. I have asthma. I have sleep apnea. None of these are excuses.
Look yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you love yourself, and if you don't love yourself, tell yourself that God loves you, and ask him to help you love yourself.
You need to acknowledge that God loves you and love yourself before you can do anything else. Once you know God loves you, and only God and yourself can stop you, you can do this.
God wants you to do this. He wants all his creations to be what "they are supposed to be". And you're supposed to be fit and well.
God wants you to be.
Don't believe in God? Neither did I, until this just happened one day, and he's been helping me ever since. It doesn't matter if you believe or not. You'll believe once you start seeing you can do this.
You need to want it. You need god, your friends, and family.
Do not hide your struggle. Anyone who judges you for taking the first step is not worthy of your consideration. Anyone who doesn't understand fixing yourself being your priority doesn't understand what love is.
Remember: You can give more of yourself to others, when you are happy with yourself.
me said...
I am so desperately afraid to feel! to move forward! so fucking scared!
leigh said...
this program should be given to everyone, i feel free after being a slave to this monster inside me. It is scarey thinking about letting go but you owe it to you.
For the first time in twenty years i feel a bit of peace in my mind, not just this huge hole inside me that i cant fill no matter how much i try to fill it with food. no more stupid diets for me, no more hating me, no more guilt, no more loathing myself, now for me to be able to say that, it must be working.
Kathryn said...
Reading all the comments above makes me feel such empathy, and believe me I feel the pain of everyone here. I was the "good girl" to a critical, demeaning, and emotionally distant mother, then became the "good wife" to two husbands just like that why is it that we repeat negative patterns in our lives over and over. Somewhere deep inside me, there is a person struggling to get out who needs to express the anger and frustration of always trying to please and make others happy. I need to convince myself that I am worthy of happiness as well. Just started this program, and it is fabulous, although I am encountering a lot of emotions that I'm not sure I want to feel it is always easier to eat than to feel pain. It is my 49th year of life and I have determined that I do not want to end my life wondering "what if, and if only." I want to finally stop my emotional eating, and, God willing, this is the path that will lead me there. I have also been reading Geneen Roth's books Feeding the Hungry Heart, Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, When Food is Love and they are fantastic. My husband absolutely does NOT understand. In his world you just don't eat so much and get some exercise and you won't be overweight. Wish it were that simple. Good luck to all, I am praying for all of us who have this problem in our lives.
Ann said...
Wow, what fabulous words of wisdom on the outcomes of compulsive overeating. i can see now the damage that overeating is doing, when all the time I thought I was successfully protecting myself from the bad feelings, I was just making them all worse as I didn't develop any strategies to deal with them. No wonder I've had 3 marriages, countless failed relationships, untold jobs and unsatisfactory relationships with my adult children! And I thought I was just fat and that a bit of self control would fix all my problems!!
I have lost weight and kept it off for 3 years using a 12 step program but never did really learn about finding ways to even recognise my emotions let alone deal with them. So starting the Shrink Yourself program today feels like enormous progress
Denise said...
Shrink Yourself is the first book that I read that addressed emotional eating. I began losing weight in November '06. I had to completely learn about nutrition, portion size, exercise, water intake, everything about creating a new healthy lifestyle. In the Summer of '08 I read Shrink Yourself for the first time. There was a lot of information and it went beyond the mechanics of how to lose weight, how to eat, how to exercise. It addressed the mind, the inner person, the issues. In May '09 I determined to live a sober lifestyle and re-read the Shrink Yourself book again. Since I was at yet another place in my life, I was able to understand more of what the book was trying to help me understand. This is a book that I will keep re-reading throughout my lifetime. I begain the weight loss journey at 311 lbs. I am currently at 190 lbs. My goal weight is 140. I am not in a race, but I will continue to learn to live a healthy lifestyle and practice these new healthy habits. I'm a recovering *perfectionist* and am working on *progress*.
fiona said...
have done this for so long now- about three years, stuffing down any emotions i dont want to look at or feel with unhealthy food, feel so miserable after a binge and recognise my eating habits in all these posts and the emotions that go with them, at least we are not alone, it is so hard when loved ones just say eat less and move more, if it only it was that simple!!!!!!!!!!! good luck everyone...
Eleanor said...
I love Denise's comment about "i am a recovering perfectionist and I am working on progress". That's a philosophy I am adopting as of this moment. Lif'es too short to criticise ourselves, I'm going to encourage my inner coach, and heal my inner critic.
Giselle Brand said...
My heart goes out to those who have shared so openly about their struggles with emotional eating. Clearly, eating less and exercising more is the last thing emotional eaters need to hear about something they have been trying to control. I absolutely feel for Kathryn. I wish you all the best on your weight management journey. Denise has been a true inspiration. Awesome work. The video below shows how Jemima learns to compartmentalize the problems in her life. Being aware of her emotional eating tendencies have served her well in times of crisis:
http://conceptnutrition.com.au/2009/10/weight-loss-in-real-time-part-7/#more-969
