3 Ways to Combat Perfectionism

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3 Ways to Combat Perfectionism

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2008 | POSTED BY MICHELLE

Progress, not perfection. People that are on a journey to lose weight always resonate with that statement. But for most of us, before we hear or believe a statement like that, we’ve already spent a lot of years thinking we should be perfect or we could be perfect. Today, I heard someone say, “When I got hypothyroidism I had to accept that I was not going to be the perfect size two anymore so I might as well be as fat as I could get.” Many people figure why not be fat if they can’t be perfect forgetting that perfect doesn’t exist. And if we expect ourselves to be perfect in our quest to lose weight, we’re going to be gravely disappointed and therefore more inclined to get resigned and give up. The simple fact is we’re going to have days when we make good choices and days when we could have made better choices. Sometimes, varying between those two can happen in the course of a single meal. So, how do you stop trying to attain perfection? Here’s some things that have worked for me.

1. THINK OF BILL GATES

I used to think that I wasn’t going to publish anything until it was perfect but Bill Gates helped me let go of my perfectionism. You see, Microsoft Word is one of the most flawed programs on the market. Bill Gates didn’t wait till he got it perfect. In fact, he released a new version this year and it is still imperfect. And we are still buying it, imperfections and all. If he had waited till he got it perfect, it wouldn’t be on sale yet today and he wouldn’t have billions of dollars to show for his imperfections. So, while you might not be able to lose weight perfectly just giving it a go can be worth the investment. It was for Bill and it can be for you, too.

2. BEING A PARENT

I have generally been good at the things that I try in life. I graduated with a 3.96 GPA (almost perfect), I can cook a meal for 12 gracefully, I can drive a manual car and a motorcycle but once I had a child I had to learn to cope with imperfection. If you don’t have a child, then think of any humbling thing you’ve tried. Being a perfect parent doesn’t exist. There are literally hundreds of opportunities a day to practice self-acceptance, creativity, patience, love, understanding, tolerance. There are hundreds of uncomfortable feelings too –anger, disappointment, joy, love, loneliness, exhaustion. The only thing I can do is show up and try my best. When I make a choice I don’t feel proud of, I forgive myself and learn from it for the next opportunity that will be winging its way at me within the next few seconds usually. It’s no different when ending a pattern of overeating or binging. You’re not going to get it perfect. You’re not going to eat only the prescribed amount of food. You’re not always going to leave the last bite on your plate or deny yourself of seconds. If you can accept that you’re less likely to do the common thing of giving up for the day once you’ve made one imperfect choice.

3. ACCEPTING MY BEST

I’m not going to have the perfect body, at least not in this lifetime. I have stretch marks from gaining eighty pounds in my pregnancy, I have less than perfect breasts from nursing for two years and truth be told I have cellulite on my posterior (I’m sure this blog will now help me attract heaps of male suitors – wink, wink). That being said, I have never been happier with my body. I’m not happy because my body is perfect. I’m happy because I do the best that I can to take care of it. I exercise five times a week even though I hate it. I eat well. I usually get enough rest. And I enjoy the foods I like in smaller quantities. I don’t feel deprived. I feel empowered by making the best choices I can. And when I don’t make good choices I forgive myself and try a little better the next time.

Lastly, did you know that most drum sounds on music that you hear today is made by a drum machine. Someone might have just been trying to eradicate all those cute drummer types that break young girl's hearts. Just kidding. The only problem is that drum machines are too on the nose. They are too perfect. That’s why the machines have a knob that tries to recreate human error. There is a sticker that some people put on their drum machines that says: Drum Machines Have No Soul. The imperfections in sound give the music soul and your imperfections show that you have soul, too.

Use the comments to share with each other the ways that you’ve learned how to combat perfectionism. This is a critical tool to overcoming any issue with food and being able to try your best which is all you really need to lose the weight.

19 Comments In the order they were posted.

shahnaz said...

I loved the article especially the part that says 'Your imperfections show that you have soul too.' Wow.

Roberta said...

I need the reminder of not having to be perfect. I am too hard on myself and it is totally unnecessary. Like Bill Gates, great things can still happen without being, saying or doing everything perfect. I see imperfection around me everyday and am alot more accepting of it from others.

Jean said...

For me it's not about being perfect, it's about being the best I can be today, right now, in this moment. To be joyful of where I am right now. For me it's about ending the obsession of needing to eat to fill a void, for me it's about being strong emotionally and if weight loss happens then it's a bonus. I found that eating mindlessly was more hurtful than feeling what I had to feel at the time I felt it. No more shoving feeling and emotions down and hiding from them, bring them on and I will deal with them without food.

Julia said...

It helps me to hear the rest of you say what is inside my head. I am not the only one feeling this way and that is okay. By being imperfect I have found this blog. I am thankful

Dee said...

I needed to hear this today. I am so much of a perfectionist with myself, but I allow so much grace to everyone else for the mistakes they make in life. If I treat myself as I treat everyone else, my perfectionistic ways would disappear. I'll work on that as well. How did I become a perfectionist?...I don't know and I don't know if it even matters at this point, but "progress not perfection" is definitely resonating with me right now. Not only in my quest to lose weight, but in other areas of life as well.

Inga said...

I spend all of my time trying to achieve perfection. I find there is no other way for me. I truly do no believe that I will ever get over striving for perfection, but I can focus on just doing well one day at a time. I can not control the outcome of tomorrow, but I can do my best today with each meal and each experience. This article really hit home for me today.

naomi said...

I think this is the best article I've seen yet when approaching the weight loss issue. I have always strived for perfection...and my husband is still helping me to be more forgiving of myself. This made me realize that nobody is perfect, and I never will be. I am a parent and I fully agree with the amount of emotions and choices you have a day... I like my imperfections just fine and one day at a time I have been focusing on my goals. That sure helps to go one day at a time and not set a date that I want to accomplish everything. Sometimes plans or meals just don't go my way...THANKS! This is the best I've seen yet.

Elana said...

GREAT ARTICLE! It really speaks to the current challenge I am facing with my weight and exercise habits. I've been flogging myself for not being perfect and then going right back to food...In essence, I'm saying exactly what you mention in the article, if I can't be perfect why try? If that advice was taken by anyone who'd listen absolutely noone would achieve success on any level. Bravo for a great piece of writing.

chana goodman said...

just what I needed-because of emotional problems I am eating when and what I shouldnt and your article and readers comments really hit the nail on the head as they say. Ineed help in refraining from my too often binges which not only cause me to put on weight but aggravate me.

Beth said...

I have been considering this program for a little while now. Afraid that is just another"diet". I really enjoyed your writing and that it's focus was not just on food but an overall life improvement. I am not just looking to lose weight but to find piece within. Thank you for some wonderful thoughts.

vida said...

I agree - its so self-sabotaging to constantly have some perfect future that you can never aspire to - so lets eat cos i'm rubbishin the here and now. Its about delaying happinness till u acheive a perfect body in the imaginary future. Its rubbish really isnt it? It definately is about doing the best you can - not being perfect - and we are all flawed and will have not so good days - and that i suppose is what makes us human as opposed to that drum kit!! And a lot more fun and interesting..

steph said...

I really identify with this one. It's almost too confronting to address. Especially the "being a parent part " and with regards to my body. I do expect perfection, when I look in the mirror.This morning in the habit diary I really let my "inner critic" have a voice to hear what she was saying and it was alarming how cruel this inner part of me can be. Thanks for the blog.

esther said...

i have just finished my 4th session i have been saying to myself there has to be something missing in all the diets i have failed at and i have found it. i have been trying to be perfect and do "the diet "perfect and beating myself up because i ve failed and you have just confirmed there is no need for perfection and we all need a little imperfection in our lives. i will embrace my imperfection and remember it gives me soul in more ways than one..thank you from my soul

tanya said...

Why do I expect perfection from myself when I don't from others? I am so hard on myself . . . I think it is a self-esteem issue. Kind of like I have to be perfect in order to deserve love, praise, rewards, etc. I think it comes from my mother who was extremely critical when I was a child and that probably created some feelings of inferiority unless I was perfect. Perhaps if I didn't set such impossible standards for myself I wouldn't resort to food when I am unable to achieve perfection. I'm in my second week and I am amazed at just how much I have learned so far. Everyone's experiences help me to recognize my own problems and to see that I am not helpless. Thank you so much everyone.

ocean66 said...

It is a new way to think. It's hard to re-program yourself....I am trying to keep the "inner critic" at bay . However It is wonderfully refreshing to be free of self-loathing and that's what keeps me going.

Liz said...

By taking care of myself EVERYDAY through eating right and exercise I feel i LOVE myself more and MORE each day. I don't have to be perfect, I just want to be HEALTHY in mind, body, and Spirit. =

LinnyC said...

I remember one time saying I wasn't a perfectionist because I could never do anything good enough. It was pointed out that was a good definition of a perfectionist. I'm still pondering that.

canaryldy said...

I have always been my worst enemy by holding myself to a standard that I know I cannot achieve. It is a constant reflection of the standards that my parents held for me. Now that they are gone I can see that I still have them alive in my mind and judge myself as not having the "stuff" to really get it right. It is good not to feel alone.

nancy said...

I remember sitting in my living room when my second child was 2 and deciding that I would only have so long to share with my children and a whole life to clean my house. I chose my children. 24 years later, I have wonderful memories, great kids, and am glad that I chose to do it that way. My house hasn't always been the cleanest, but I wouldn't have changed my time with my kids for anything. Funny that I was so easily able to reprogram myself when it came to something that was directed at my kids not me but I find it so hard to reprogram myself to do things that are in my best interest. Guess that needs to be an area of great focus.