Food Pushers Everywhere You Go

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Food Pushers Everywhere You Go

THURSDAY, JULY 31, 2008 | POSTED BY MICHELLE

Who in your life is enabling your Emotional Eating habit? I recently a story by Rob Long on NPR's Martini Shot about craft services (or catering) on film shoots. The set of television or movies can be very stressful. I remember in the early nineties taking a vacation from my position on the AIDS unit of a New York hospital to work for a month on a friend's feature film. The stress and tension on the film set far exceeded the stress and tension on the unit of the hospital where multiple people were dying everyday. I wanted to tell the crew that a movie wasn't life or death but no one would hear it. Apparently, they were convinced it was. On film sets Craft Services often provide comfort foods (doughnuts, mac and cheese, chips and other sweets). The food placates people. Dials down the stress and tension. The NPR story went on to say that every once in awhile craft services will switch and offer healthy options instead of the usual comfort foods. People start losing weight but get angry, have shorter tempers and explode more. Not a risk that producers want to take when that cranky person is holding "an 80 pound light over a celebrity." One might see why they would rather put out crappy food and keep people calm than offer healthy food and deal with explosive personalities.

But that's not the answer.

The answer, of course, is that we haven't learned how to face our emotions without food. In the absence of the comfort of food so many of us simply don't know how to deal.

While we have to take personal responsibility I want to illustrate that often (granted perhaps unknowingly) the people in our lives make it easy for us to perpetuate the emotional eating pattern. The NPR story reminded me how food has become a panacea for every emotion. And the most troubling part is that not only is it installed as a soothing mechanism but it is legally and enthusiastically pushed on people by their families, their spouses, their employers and through advertising. It would never be permitted to advertise heroin, or crack on a billboard or commercial. Even cigarette advertisements have been stopped because their health risks make public promotion morally reprehensible. And yet fast food meals that come in at a caloric count beyond what any healthy person should consume in a whole day are shamelessly displayed with their dripping cheese and crispy bacon in the most seductive way. Spouses bring home the very food that their partner is working so hard to stop eating. In work environments people put out trays of fat laden sweets. The other day I went to dentist where they had a huge bowl of Hershey Kisses in the waiting room—the very food that one shouldn't eat if they're interested in caring for their teeth. Yet, as patients waited ten minutes and then twenty minutes and then half an hour to be seen by the dentist they passed the time with some tasty morsels. How could they resist? A little bit of pleasure to put up with the wait. Right? Wrong.

There are plenty of people out there trying to pacify you by feeding you. Nietzche said that religion is the opium of the masses but perhaps these days (at least in this country) food comes in at a close second. We are getting fatter but we are numb enough to sit quietly in front of the TV on our couches. I don't mean to be harsh, it's just that there needs to be a better way. On line at Whole Foods last night I stood beside a girl who was buying chocolate covered strawberries and explaining that she was a good friend because she was bringing wine and strawberries to eat while she and a friend watched Project Runway. Is that what makes a good friend? As they sit there munching and watching models that they will never look like (especially if they consume the foods they're choosing) it seems like an obvious recipe for sadness and defeat. I'm not suggesting that they aspire to look like the models on the screen but what if instead of wine and food to complement their experience they did crunches during commercials or gave each other neck rubs or debriefed about their day?

There must be a way that we can help one another meet our goals, support one another when we're stressed and not keep throwing oil down the mountain our friends, colleagues and spouses are trying to summit. Is a gift of food really a gift of kindness or is someone just trying to keep you quiet? You don't have to be suspicious or angry towards the people that push food at you but by being aware you get to be the one who chooses. And you always have the choice to suggest something new or ask for help.

To listen to the NPR radio show: http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/ma/ma080611craft_services

25 Comments In the order they were posted.

Reacher said...

As usual, you give me loads to think about and to motivate me to face the truth. Good article. Thanks

kneadles said...

Boy, now I have to think twice about the goodies I bring home to my partner as my *lover offerings. Hmmmmm. It works both ways. Food gets pushed on us, but we also push food on others.

kneadles said...

ooops. I meant to say "love" offerings.

kLa said...

I dont think bringing someone candy to be nice is pushing food. It was a nice gesture....I think a food pusher is someone who is almost codependant and is trying to get their own needs met by "feeding" someone else. I have a family member who fits this to a t. If you dont eat, and I mean eat a bunch she will get almost offended...if any kid is upset...she will try to pacify them with a cookie, ice cream, etc. I think thats the difference. I also think sometimes people push food on you because its more comfortable for them if you stay a certain way - fat. Anyways, again I really dont think that giving someone a treat, or taking treats to a party or a fun movie night is a food pusher.

Michelle said...

Of course not all offerings of food are food pushing. However, I've seen many people try to feed people that they know are working hard to lose weight. Also, as you said kla, people that try to pacify others with food. I've been a bit extremist in my article just to make a point. Essentially, I'm agreeing that not all gifts of food are pushing.

kneadles said...

And I'm saying, -- just for me, take it or leave it -- that its worthwhile for me to examine my motives when I bring home sweet calorie-ridden treats to my partner. I figure If I keep him sedated, he won't point out my faults. Just doing a little self-honesty inventory, here.

Michelle said...

Kneadles, thanks for your fearless look at your underlying motivations.

lefty said...

Hi, Michelle, This is off topic, but I submitted a request for a personal consultation last week and was told in what seemed like an automated email that I would hear back by yesterday and haven't heard back yet. Is this an automated service and my request has been lost or should I wait a few more days? Thanks. --Lefty

Michelle said...

Hi Lefty, If you haven't yet received it you should by the end of the day.

kLa said...

Umm...I think my post come off as snotty and that isnt how I meant it. : Anyways, kneadles, its funny you say that because there have been times when I have been a food pusher myself. Its hard to admit it, but looking back I know thats what I was doing. and it was to my friend who was trying to lose weight at the time. I guess I was jealous and didnt want to be left fat by myself. Uggg!!! I feel horrible.

louise said...

Since we all know the calming effects of food...food pushers can prove v ery welcoming at times.However i want to suggest that reading a novel and giving or offering reading material can be a very uplifting experience.Helps to shift the mind off the food!!!!

melinda said...

My grown daughter is obese. I make her healthy meals sometimes and she enjoys them. Unfortunately, I can't lose the weight for her. She has to keep herself away from the emotional eating.

Michelle said...

Melinda, I also make healthy meals for people and they really enjoy it. It's nice to give people the chance to see that healthy meals can still be delicious. When friends are sick or mourning, I'll often drop off soup to their houses rather than a cake or sweets.

Mar99 said...

What a great article! Today I'm taking my best friend who is typically twiggy!! and family dinner after the birth of her baby. I was seriously thinking of taking some heavy dessert to "treat" them, but I know she is trying to lose weight. I remember feeling discouraged after having babies and having a home full of ice cream/desserts/bread that my well-meaning friends and family brought by. Maybe I'll make something yummy with fresh produce and then for dessert I could take a bowl of fruit/berries. Its always good for me to re-evaluate my tendency to feed fatten people...especially the skinny people in my life.

Mar99 said...

I meant to write "its always good for me to re-evaluate my tendency to feed/fatten people" oops

Matilda said...

Great Comments today! In the past three months I have refused to fix un-healthy foods to take to parties, or for dinners at home. My husband is happy because he is losing his 'stomach' and every dinner we go to, they just know that they have an option, some of my 'healthy' food or some of the other. Also, this way, I ALWAYS have something healthy to eat! Yes, I'm being selfish, but sometimes you have to be selfish to save yourself from emotional/unhealthy eating! Thanks for all of the comments. Mat

Cheryl51 said...

I don't push food and I don't partake of the breakroom goodies. There is one older woman who bakes for our office. I know she does it to be "nice," but many of us never eat what she brings because we're counting calories. Only two young men scarf her snacks down with some frequency. So why does she bring the food in? I don't really know...she also watches her weight so it's weird.

Trice901 said...

Since I have gotten the knack of "feeling my feelings" rather than eating them, I find myself curbing anger rather than eating - anger at chaos, anger at being thwarted, anger at ...life! I am hoping this is a transition state, although it seems like it has been several loonnnng weeks of being more volatile as I coax my feelings into the spotlight...!?

selfrespect said...

I find social eating is often a form of "food pushing." Friends and co-workers want to indulge in a cookie break or unwind with a lot of food and a movie, and they do not want to feel guilty about it. They often push me to eat to share the guilt or feel justified. I am offending them or hurting them if I do not partake in a mid-afternoon binge or movie night food fest. I become so uncomfortable and judged - as well as weak - that I often just give in. And I do not feel comfortable enough to address my true motives for avoiding food. I lie instead and say my stomach hurts.

bluelagoon said...

Thank you Michelle for your article. Often when I read them I think about about how it relates to me. I have certainly been a person who would come home to my family with yummy treats to share. However to be honest, my motivation is not to push the food onto them - it's a strategy where if time is short I can eat the food immediately with my family or friends without waiting for a moment alone. The guilt of hiding the treat, worrying if anyone will find it, the adrenalin rush you feel when you sneak the treat, always alert to the tiniest of noise so as not to get caught. I felt it was easier, more honest and loving to buy enough to go around and not feel the guilt of deception. Then of course if I was bringing yummy food home too often, I would then have to hide food for a while! You can't bloomin' win!

hrhcat said...

I have a friend and neighbor who often sends over a warm loaf of bread, a dozen fresh-baked cookies or some other treat I don't need. She is known for her baking and prides herself on it. Any suggestions for handling this without hurting her feelings?

Michelle said...

A few ways to handle this: Be honest with her about your struggles with weight. Start off with an appreciation of her great baking and how tempting her food is to eat. Thank her for her generosity but share that you only want it when you request it so that you don't overindulge. Or Give her a recipe for something low calorie or healthy that she could make and tell her how this would support your efforts to lose weight. Hope one of these suggestions resonates.

gramasha said...

My husband and I have been married 46 years. He live to eat, and has been overweight all of our married life. I on the other hand have always been active and tried to eat as health as I could. I am a RN, but now retired. I found out that I had clinical depression, in 1996. I retired from my job, and started gaining weight because of the anti-depressants. While the medication helped, I found I was less motivated to be as active as I was. I was, walking, runing, cycling, and swimming. My husband has never been one to exercise. He retired and 2 years later, had bypass surgery for very extensive cardiac disease, and type 2 diabetes.

rebecca said...

My husband is a food pusher. I do realize that this is a need that he has, the problem is that I am a people pleaser and I feel that when I accept the food, it pleases him. I'm now beginning to realize I have to stop it because it then causes me anxiety and then I will binge again and again just because of resenting the start of it by trying to make him happy. What a vicious cycle.

hourglass said...

I was married during school to a man who brought his parents over from another country to help raise our son while I finished my training. His mother took over the cooking, cleanining, and caring for my child as I was in the hospital long hours and overnight as an intern, sacrificing my life and son's babyhood to care for stangers. The things you all have written make sense to me now, that my ex-mother-in-law is co-dependent and depressed, and controls her family with the cooking pot. They never left. I tried for 13 years to make that living arrangement work, and finally bought my own home down the street, got divorced, and quit that blood-sucking job. Those moves and giving birth have been the best things I have ever done in my life. I have come a long way in healing myself, and forgive myself for allowing certain situations to continue, because of inexperience, but thank God I learned! I used to have horrible GERD, but stopped all caffeine and really decreased my chocolate intake , along with tomatoes, spices, etc...I am down to 2 anti-reflux tablets/week. I think that if I can heal GERD, then I can continue healing other issues, including emotional eating. I am PMSing, and am dealing with that in a novel way for me: I drilled holes into my daughter's craft drawer and put a padlock through it. She is "holding" my WW snacks and doles out 2 per day. So far, so good! I am working with her on her emotional eating, also. My mantra lately while dealing with a tween, a teenager, an ex, the ex's GF, the ex-in-laws, and controllers elsewhere is: I am not interested in your drama, thank you.