If Not Overeating, Then What?

If Not Overeating, Then What?

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27, 2009 | POSTED BY MICHELLE

So many overeaters that I talk to say, “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t stuff my feelings down with food.” Dr. Gould says, “If you really want to know what’s bothering you, stop eating, and it will all surface.” Gosh, the idea of that can be scary because many of us emotional eaters don’t know what we’d do if we stopped using food to deal with life. Of course, that’s what we’re all learning here but it still can be frightening. As the end of the school year approaches and there are graduations and summer vacations to plan with less money than ever, I invite you to slow down for a few minutes and breathe. To help you along, this week I thought I’d write something less clinical, and more reflective.

If I didn’t keep stuffing my feelings with food I would….

If I didn’t keep stuffing my feelings with food I would….

*Cry until I got it all out of my system.
*Start asking for what I want.
*Pursue an abandoned dream.
*Answer honestly when someone asks me how I’m doing.
*Ask for forgiveness from someone I've hurt.
*See that I’m not satisfied in my relationship & work to make it better or finally make a change.
*Admit I don’t (and won't) have all the answers.
*Ask for help when I feel overwhelmed.
* Get more rest.
*Admit I’m angry and scream or punch a pillow.
*Mourn the loss of a dream, a relationship, a job, or a loved one.
*Need to meditate or pray more.
*Stand up for myself.
*Not always say “yes,” when I want to say “no.”
*Accept that I’m only human.
*Exercise my emotional muscles.
*Learn to accept I’m not perfect and am bound to make mistakes.
*Let the past go and begin again.
*Learn something new.
*Seek out more supportive friends.
*Face the fact that I’m not as brave as I let people think.
*Stop pretending I’m not sad.
*Reach out.
*Accept that it’s hard to be a parent.
*Realize I don’t know how.
*Create new possibilities.
*Never give up on myself.
*Try, try again.
*Be gentle with myself.
*Love myself more.

We turn to food for comfort because it’s quick and easy. But by doing so we postpone taking the actions that would propel our lives forward. What would you do if you weren’t using food to numb out. The same people that come into the program saying that they don’t know what they would do if they stopped overeating, often leave the program exclaiming how their lives opened up in the most unexpected and delightful ways. Start by doing a ten-minute writing exercise where you answer the question:

If I didn’t keep stuffing my feelings with food I would….

14 Comments In the order they were posted.

peapod said...

This is such an uplifting exercise. I am at week four and I really do see the light at the end of the tunnel. After years of therapy, I realize that I have been clinging to food like a security blanket . I have worked really hard to build myself up, but I realize that by letting myself give up that false sense of security, I can start to use all of the tools I have acquired. I'm really excited to really be the way I always imagined I could be.

dyna said...

I have been using this site for a few months now, but have not joined until today. Already today I have learned so many things about myself that are harming me and keeping me overweight. I just wish I would have joined many weeks ago. This article has helped me so much thank you Dr

sam7007 said...

This really is so much the core or heart of the matter. I am in week 3 of the program and no therapy I have undergone over the years comes close to nailing this emotional overeating like Shrink Yourself does. One of the biggest problems I find is that while my friends may 'comfort eat' a little, none of them have self-medicated with food the way I and so many others of us out there have and so it is very difficult for them to understand. Here in the program there is complete understanding and brilliant help. I feel as if slowly I am getting there and starting to look forward to the possibility of a fuller and more fulfilling life.

Deb S said...

If I didn't keep stuffing my feelings with food: I would become aware of some feelings I'm denying I would have to acknowledge my lonliness I would think of ways to comfort myself when I'm down I would stretch myself in ways I have not I would ask for more support I would learn to forgive myself and others

Emma said...

oh this resonates so much with me. Only today an electricity bill arrived saying I owed £6000. I knew I didn't but what was my response?- a thick peanut butter sandwich made with shaking hands. It's been story of my life - as has eating 'for something to do'. I am learning to manage life's ups and downs without food. It's revelational!

Fiona Crawford said...

Last night I realised I knew one of the 5 Britons on that lost Air France flight. It was a massive shock as I'd spent a lovely holiday long ago at his his wife's guest house. How I wanted to eat to squash down the feelings - but I took up my knitting instead, did some deep breathing and it became manageable. It took guts but the unpleasantness of the morning-after feeling, after a binge, now outweighs the pleasure of that 'plunge into oblivion' Geneen Roth's expression.

marzipan said...

my question: If I sign up for the online program, do I then have access to the program for 12 weeks only or for as long as i wish and need access? thanks for your help with this! marzipan

lish said...

Wow. I realize I feel really unfulfilled with my creative life, and I've felt trapped in my job for years. The idea of opening up that topic and dealing with how to correct the path of my career seems like a giant headache, and I'm full of fear when I imagine facing it. But I eat to squish my dissatisfaction that will never go away unless I take a good, hard look at my life and make some changes. I see that I have a choice: I can eat and eat and deny my feelings and never be truly satisfied, or I can tackle my feelings head-on, make hard choices, and try for the thing I really want.

Michelle said...

Marzipan, You have access to the program for 12 weeks and then for 9.95/ month you can have access to all your work indefinitely. You can also print out a PDF version of your work at the end of the course. Hope this clears things up.

tinkerbell said...

I feel somewhat assured that you will be there for me. I am really dealing with emotional conflict for the better. I am up and down however. I do have medical issues I am dealing with right now and pain also.

tinkerbell said...

I have being far more confident of decisions I am now making. In order to overcome emotional eating. I am learning as I go. At least I am learning. Sometimes just acknowledging is a step in itself.

tinkerbell said...

I have chosen to cope in a different way with alcohol. Help me, help me. I am numb right now and want to overcome. I am a heavy drinker but do want to be a success. Really I have chosen alcohol over food but then choose food over alcohol. I do need help. I am not making good choices and I know it.

pattie said...

I have struggled with duel addictions as well.I realize my denial runs deep.I need to be honest with myself,with god and other people,This is a good place to start.

adela said...

A friend of mine in AA gave me a copy of the AA Big Book and I took it, thinking it would help me deal with my food addiction. Two passages struck a note: there is no easier, softer way to recovery and I still continue to search for that magic bullet that will fix my binge eating and, God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free---maybe if I stop stuffing my feelings, I will get there!