4 Ways We Contribute to One Another's Unhealthy Relationships with Food

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4 Ways We Contribute to One Another's Unhealthy Relationships with Food

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24, 2009 | POSTED BY MICHELLE

The other day while waiting at the register in a local pharmacy I saw the cover of one of those trashy tabloids that showed a bunch of actresses and models in their bathing suits from the rear view. Most of the comments were talking about the women’s cellulite as though it was the biggest sin since murder. I have to admit I couldn’t stop myself from looking at the glossy pages. And for a moment, I understood how seeing these pictures could definitely make someone throw in the towel with a thought that goes something like this: “If these women who have endless access to trainers and nutritionists can’t get it right, what chance do I have?” However, a little research on cellulite will reveal that it’s a naturally occurring part of MOST women’s bodies. If you have cellulite, you are the norm, not the exception. Why should you feel bad about something that is a normally occurring part of having a human body?

The fact is that we shouldn’t feel bad, but most of us do. We contribute to one another’s bad relationships with food and with our bodies in subtle and profound ways. Take a look at the list below to see how we contribute to other people’s eating disorders:

1.Being the Media’s Puppet

Do you let film, television, and magazines dictate how you think you should look? Do you compare yourself to actresses and models? Depending on the era, different body types have been en vogue—waifish, voluptuous, zaftig, muscular. Body types change like fashion and we neither can adapt nor should we have to. We don’t have to fall prey to how the media says we should look. For example, I have worn wedge shoes for years. A couple of years ago they came into fashion and everyone assumed that I was wearing them for that reason. I wore them before and I plan on wearing them even if they become passé. You can decide what you want to look like no matter what’s on the pages of your favorite magazine. How can you become more immune to the effects of the media?

2. Commenting on Other People’s Weight

Something that is often done with good intention but is nevertheless damaging is commenting on people’s weight. Even when the comment is complimentary, the results can still be destructive. I know many women who struggled with anorexia. In the throes of their eating disorders, many reported that they received so many compliments despite being unhealthily thin. Telling someone that they’ve lost or gained weight contributes to a fixation on weight and food. Share with someone how happy you are to see them or how grateful you are that they made time for you. Taking the focus away from weight helps us all in the long run. Can you stop commenting on weight changes and appearances in yourself and others?

3. Ragging on Ourselves

It’s so common to hear people call themselves fat or poke fun at their bodies that we have become desensitized to it. Talking negatively about our bodies greases the slope for everyone. It contributes to a spirit of competition and comparison. I live in Los Angeles where a lot of people will say they need to lose weight if they’re not the “required” ten pounds underweight. I often find myself getting angry wondering where exactly they think they should lose the weight…perhaps off their internal organs. If we can all learn to speak about our bodies with love and acceptance, then it will be so much easier to treat ourselves lovingly with good food and exercise. Stirring up all this negativity and hatred just sends us into the arms of food. Can you stop talking negatively about your body?

4. Good Food – Bad Food

Labeling foods good or bad can lead to binges. Every so often certain foods become off limits. When I was in college everyone avoided fats and lived on carbs. Now, carbs are evil and fat is your friend. When we avoid doing the work of knowing which foods are best for our particular bodies and instead get on the good food/bad food band wagon, we can get very confused. We can feel self-righteous when we are eating the “good foods.” And we can get judgmental of others when they are eating the “bad foods.” I’ve seen people glare at someone for saying “yes” to a piece of baguette with their bowl of soup. Food can almost become like the bad-boy lover. Everyone tells you to get away from him, but you just can’t seem to resist. When you take away the taboo element of it all, everything gets easier. How can you stop yourself from labeling foods good or bad?

Many of us have done these things with good intentions. Many of us have had these things done to us and suffered because of it. And there’s no question that all of these opinions and ideas are affecting how the young people in our society think about themselves. However, we can make it easier for ourselves, and others, by becoming more conscious. We often think that the answer to all of this is thinking our way into right actions. For example, I need to lose weight so that means I should eat less, and so I’ll do it and that will be that. But it doesn’t work that way. We actually need to act our way into right thinking. In other words, by changing simple actions (like the things listed above) you will begin to think in a different and more empowered way—in a way that helps you accept yourself and others more freely. When you do that, those images on the covers of magazines will not be nearly as compelling as who a person is and what they have to contribute. Wouldn’t it be nice if cellulite was no longer considered a cover story and was instead replaced with modern day stories of courage, compassion, and creativity?

9 Comments In the order they were posted.

Cath said...

AMEN!!!

Anonymous said...

you gained some weight!! no body should say that ever its just rude

Toto said...

The worst comment I've had recently about my weight was when my sister said I should seriously consider having a Gastric Band operation! How rude is that! I think I'm anxious all the time about my overweight because she has said these negative comments all my life.

LuLu said...

"Food can almost become like the bad-boy lover." I laughed at that but you know it's TRUE! Thanks for the insightfulness. It's sincerely appreciated.

smac said...

All those scenarios create unbelieveable pressure. Knowing that I could probably never achieve that kind of "perfection" has made me give up on more than one occasion.

Marva gray said...

It's scarry to think about stopping, but It makes me feel good to know that ther is help when I need it.

GreenFairy said...

It is completely true that comments on weight loss can be as damaging as comments on weight gain. Either way, it becomes apparent that the commentor is watching you weight, which is very stressful. My in-laws will always comment enthusiastically if they think that I have lost weight. So I know that when they don't comment, they are just as loudly telling me that I am still fat, or that I have gained weight. Neither is helpful! It doesn't feel good to know that someone is monitoring your weight when you have so many other fantastic qualities to offer!

snowdrop said...

Totally made me think about the first time I thought I was fat...10 or 11 years old. Comments I grew up with like "She's a size 10" "Have you lost weight?" "So and so lost weight" "She's a chubby girl." That's so fattening! So much obsession and paranoia. I am so sick of all this.

Aviva said...

I agree that the media coverage is a problem but there are bad foods - processed junk that is artificially colored, flavored, preserved etc. However is the author is talking about food GROUPS then I agree. We need balance - some fat, some protein, and some carbs everyday at each meal combos at each snack. For instance peanut butter with an apple, a cheese slice with whole wheat crackers, or hummus with raw veggies. We also focus too much on food when meeting friends. What about getting together to walk, or go dancing, or bowling, or miniature golf? Everyone wants to "do lunch" and it's so self defeating. I enjoy getting compliments from time to time and if I don't get one, I just assume it's because the other person is wrapped up in themselves, not because I did something wrong. I think it depends on who you are hearing from, and there are relatives and firends who will claim they care about you but still try to sabotage your efforts to lose weight. Think about what they are getting out of that - do they look better? Do they want to be the strong supporter in the relationship but if you get thin, will they no longer have the same role? When you realize that you're weight loss is scary to other people then you quit giving them power over you.