Food As a Form of Punishment

Food As a Form of Punishment

THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 2009 | POSTED BY MICHELLE

A few weeks ago I covered the topic of food as a source of reward. On the flip side, people also use food and overeating as a form of punishment. Using food, whether as a source of comfort or as a hostile act towards yourself or others, is still emotional eating. It is giving food more power than food deserves. Do you use food as a form of punishment? Before you answer, read keep on reading.

1. Using Food to Hurt Yourself

Over the years I have worked with many people who have reported that they ate to punish themselves. It was an act of self-hatred. “I found myself eating ten Twix bars because I hated myself so much and it was a way to get back at myself,” someone shared with me. Food, especially in excessive quantities, can hurt us. No different than the person that cuts themselves, overeating or binging, can be a way that we inflict pain on ourselves. Do you eat to hurt yourself?

2. Using Food to Hurt Someone Else

Another common theme is people that eat to prove to someone else (usually a parent or a spouse) that they can’t be controlled. One man who had harbored a long-standing resentment towards his wife made sure that he didn’t lose the weight she wanted him to lose by eating an ice-cream sundae every night on his way home from work. It is normal to resist being dominated by another person but does it really make sense to put your own health in jeopardy out of spite? Are you punishing anyone in your life by overeating or staying overweight?

3. Using Food to Get Back at Society

In a more global way, perhaps our obesity epidemic is just a grand scale way that we are punishing a society that expects us to be perfect. We may get so down on ourselves believing that we will never live up to the ideal, that we abandon all effort entirely. Are you fed up with a society that expects you to be too thin, completely fit and tightly toned?

If you are using food as a form of punishment, you may want to ask yourself why. Is it really getting you the result you want? Not just in terms of how your body looks and feels, but is it getting you the love and acceptance you want from a partner or parent? Is it getting you a feeling of belonging by the world? And if your answer is no, how can you handle your real feelings productively instead of by punishing with food? You deserve to eat well, feel good and have fulfilling relationships. Overeating as a form of punishment postpones treating yourself well.

18 Comments In the order they were posted.

tigerlily55 said...

I think I may have used food as a way to get back at a spouse. I think there were several factors that made me ignore my body as a teenager. One of those was definitely rejecting the cultural standard of what it meant to be female. After years of dieting and therapy, I am just trying to make peace with body, love myself, feed myself better and be mindful of how I feel when I eat.

Cath said...

Thank you for unlocking my unknown motives for how I lived years. I now know better and will live better- not self abuse.

Sara said...

Wow... this is very interesting ... ! I used to think that maybe I was using food as a reward, however couldn't figure out what I was rewarding myself for because I always felt so miserable. Now I understand that perhaps this was a way for me to *not* be controlled, using food to punish myself and those around me. When you are overweight, you feel as though you are in prison, no control, no way out. I used to really dislike myself to the point of really bad self talk. I've changed that recently and begun to see my very real value that I offer ... and I can arm myself a little better by not punishing myself because I am good enough for all those things I didn't think I was :

Sarah said...

Wow--you hit the nail on the head. I definitely eat to defy my critical, controlling mother. I have been overweight since I was 5 years old. The really sad thing is that I just turned 50 and I still do it.

Barbara said...

Wow! What a vicious cycle. That " too" full feeling is definite punishment. And it stays with you in "too" many ways. The reminder, the weight, feeling anything but free and light.

Heather said...

That makes so much sense! Especially the control aspect - like reverse anorexia.

Shirley A Rimmer said...

Hi there, I had not considered that I was using food to hurt me or someone else. I thought I was just overeating and it was a comfort thing. But the article makes very interesting reading as I was emotionally abused by my dad for more than 30 years and I never got over it. I wonder if I am using food to defy my critical, domineering and abusive father! And if you are reading this Sarah above, I am still overeating too and I was 52 this summer so you are not alone! I am actually going to see a Psychologist about it on Wednesday this week. Definitely food for thought though isnt it. Shirley

Dixi said...

It is hard to imagine that I pundished myself with food, when I enjoyed eating it so much. Afterwards I always 'beat myself up' because of the binge, but during the binge, I was escaping, even thoughI knew the outcome would be painful and guilt ridden. I can see the undertones of punishment.

LinnyC said...

Isn't it interesting that our society expects us to be thin, fit, perfect and at the same time the food industry puts so many additives in our food that it sets up cravings in our brains. NOw there is something to rebel against and start demanding that food industry provide good, healthy food.

august1 said...

Yes I use food to punish and hurt myself......... where do I go from here how do we stop???????? I am drowning.

lisa b. said...

Sarah, and Shirley, it must be the age thing, 51 here and finally, finally, discovered that I was/am an emotional overeater! To calm, tune down, the emotions, no matter what emotion! Now, my mantra is "emotions won't kill me, but overeating/drinking will." It's okay to be afriad august1, but just begin where you are, right here, right now. Take a deep, deep breath, instead of overeating, just for this one time....it does get easier...but you have to begin where you are, at this age....me? 51!

kteach said...

I think I'm mad at the world sometimes and eat to prove you don't need to be a size 2. I'm well liked by friends, family and coworkers. Why do people only feel desirable if they are thin. So I eat to prove the world that a size 14 is wonderful too. But deep down I'm not happy. I find dieting hard and that this thinking is my safety net when I fall off the diet. I have cholestrol issues and with my last pregnacy I had diebetes issues. So this weight is unhealty for me and I do need to do something about it

Gail said...

I was raised by a thin-obsessed Mom who made it clear that no matter what you did in life, if you were overweight, you were a loser. On top of that, she was a vegetarian who was very critical and moralistic about food choices. Needless to say, I take a perverse pleasure in being 90 lbs overweight. I know I am punishing her for controlling me. The sad thing is, she died three years ago, and here I am at 53 punishing her still while I suffer! And I have transferred this punishment of anyone who wants me to lose weight to my husband, who just wants me to be healthy. So even though I understand this in my head, how do I stop the compulsion?

srabear said...

This speaks to me so much! I overeat sometimes so that I will have a bigger challenge in losing weight. Does that even make sense? I was a ballet dancer growing up and food became taboo when I was 12 and my family tried to be health conscious in my growing up years and I rebelled in high school so much. Sneaking food in my room and shoving things in my mouth. If I had a bad dance class, I "rewarded" myself with a binge. I think I still do that. I'm a perfectionist in some ways and if things don't work out the way I think it should, I rebel. I have a hard time with my kids and get frustrated and want to just get away from it all and eat. I'm 48 and it is only getting harder.

heygeorgie said...

This entry really spoke to me and so many of you have articulated exactly what I feel too. I thought I was rewarding myself, but then why did it have to hurt so much? When it got to full blown bulimia, there's no way it's a reward. I too had the ballet upbringing and my experience was pretty much identical to srabear's above. Food taboo started about 12, as soon as I hit puberty and started gaining my womanly figure, and I was put on diet after diet. Mum used to pack me a salad for lunch and I would buy myself a giant iced bun at school without even blinking. Nearly forty now and I'm still at war with my mum over this. At least I am in my head.

glenageary said...

I have the same experience as Gail - my mother is totally obsessed with food and is extremely critical of what anyone eats. I can distinctly remember at 10 yrs of age going for a run because I knew she would approve. I ballooned out during adolescence and instead of her helping me with my weight, she lectured me on how I'd never be happy if I had a weight problem so I'd better get busy get the weight off. She bought me diet bars but of course Id eat not one, but the whole box. Its still such a struggle for me - and I now realise its the rebel in me that's hanging on to being overweight. That in itself takes guts - so I'm not as 'weak' as I always thought I was.

Ellaine said...

I think I refrain from eating as a punishment to myself because I think I make people unhappy. I do lose my appetite when I'm upset or depressed but I can also be starving hungry and ignore it. Sometimes I don't even drink.

Chloe said...

I saw someone mention the food industry being responsible for the way we eat, or at least putting people into a juxtaposition. For me my bad eating was a mixture of my upbringing single, young mum and my growing delusion on what a 'normal' person, shape-wise, due to long-term bullying. I've grown to the point that I feel completely disassociated from others just because I feel so distanced by stereotypes and shape, almost like I'm subhuman. But I was always confused by my binges. Overall, I'm pretty conscious on peoples opinions but I've also got a defeatist streak. While I don't often eat much on a whole or have much of a sweet-tooth, when I feel stressed or overwhelmed I'll find myself going to food compulsively to the point that I feel sick. Makes me wish I had bulimia, at least I'd hurl it up afterwards. I definitely use food as a punishement. A year ago when I was going through depression, on particularily bad days I'd buy a load of snacks and eat them all in one session, because 'thats what fat people do'. It was a sort of, this is what you deserve, this is what you are, this is what you should do. It was quite vicious, but also laced with bitter cynicism, because I knew on some level that it was completely false. Recovery from these problems becomes very difficult when I understand and explore whats going on with myself so lucidly, people seem to think I then have the tools to fix myself. But awareness doesn't give me any ways to help myself. It's weird, I can explain all this completely calmly. People don't seem to think that unless I'm in hysterics, there doesn't seem to really be a problem to respond to. It's just been a mindset I've been living my life in for so long I can't even imagine the possibility of change. It's beyond my comprehension. It's funny, I came out of depression, but none of my problems ever went away. How can a counsellor take me seriously? Haha