Are Your Resolutions Being Sabotaged?

Are Your Resolutions Being Sabotaged?

FRIDAY, JANUARY 08, 2010 | POSTED BY MICHELLE

We’re one week into 2010. You might be thinking that this is a new year, a new decade, a new beginning. Part of you is trying to be really hopeful, optimistic, and dedicated and another part of you might still be trying to deal with the backlash of the holiday season. If you think you should be happy and all gung ho but are still stuck in an inexplicable funk, read on.

The holidays are a super charged time of year. It’s no wonder that you might require some recovery time after the presents are put away, the tree thrown out, and the routine of regular life back in effect. Even when the holidays have gone well they still demand extra travel, extra work, extra expenses and extra calories, all of which can be exhausting. If you were hoping to feel refreshed and renewed when the calendar switched to January and you’re not, you might be falling into one of the following categories. Understanding what you’re feeling might prevent you from wanting to numb out with food.

Linus Loses His Blanket
Believe it or not there are actually people who derive great comfort from the holiday season. Perhaps you live far from family and the holidays provide you with a time to be together. You pack up your things, face airport delays, and travel the distance. The gap gets bridged and for a few days you are blanketed in the comfort of the dearest people in your life. If you fall into this category, January can be fraught with the pain of separation and loss. A desire to be closer to the ones you love might get awakened. You might have to face existential questions about what’s really most important in your life. And quite simply you might just be lonely for the ones you love. If you find yourself in this situation, be gentle with yourself. Don’t push yourself too hard. You might even want to take some time to connect with loved ones by phone, Skype or email.

Expectation & Disappointment
No matter how old we get we still harbor the secret hope that our families are going to be what we need or want them to be. We enter into experiences with family hoping that this year is going to be different. This year we will be seen, heard, and understood. This year we will connect. By building up this expectation we set ourselves up to fall a lot further. The disappointment we feel is greater. When this happens January can be a month of mourning. We might feel sad for the things we never got as children, and still don’t get as adults. If you find yourself in this position give your inner child compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Then, look for ways that you can create rituals and traditions in the future. You can’t make up for lost time, but you can use your sadness to get clear about what you want to create in the future.

Out of the Woods
Maybe you spent your holidays in survival mode. Misbehaving children. Drunken arguments. Recent losses whether they were due to death, disease or divorce. Fights. Moods. Demands. Sleepless nights. You may have done the best you could to muscle through and now you’re just plain spent. For some, family gatherings can look more like a war zone than a picnic. Now, that you’re out of the woods you’re simply trying to catch your breath and find your center. If you find yourself in this position, be gentle with yourself (do you detect a theme here?). Get extra sleep. Talk to friends. And remember that you have a choice to do things differently than your relatives.

If you set resolutions for yourself about diet and exercise and already feel yourself slipping, it could be because underneath the surface you are still processing difficult feelings or upsetting events. Shrink Yourself (14-Day Free Trial) can help you process the feelings that make you overeat or binge. Food never helps but it is a readily available, automatic response. If you’re reaching for food, it could be a red flag that you’re unresolved about the holidays. Take a look. Be honest with yourself. And as you’ve heard again and again, be gentle with yourself.

3 Comments In the order they were posted.

Nicki said...

What a lovely compassionate view of life after Christmas. Christmas 2008 I chose to spend Christmas with my immediate family husband and 2 children, abroad, because I did not want to be around my parents. Although it was the right decision I had not anticipated the lonliness and guilt I would feel and used food for over 3 months after Christmas. This year I felt strong enough to stand up for myself against my parents and invited them for i day and 1 night. Although I felt some lonliness on Christmas day I managed to accept it. I challenged my father for the first time in my life and feel more in control as a result. For the day after they left I had planned for my immediate family to go to a pantomime and the following week we saw a few friends. I have worked very hard to acknowledge my feelings, accept them and do what I need to take care of myself. Although I had difficult feelings to deal with this Christmas I think I coped well. I would definately say that being kind and compassionate to myself, allowing whatever feelings to surface that need to and accepting them has been a huge part of my recovery from food obsession.

megan said...

Excellent piece! Thank you for your insight and compassion. What a gift you have and we're lucky enough to have it shared with us.

Lois said...

what a wonderful peice of writing. Everytime I read the articles, I feel warm and spiritually rejuvinated. Thankyou! Your article is so true- compassion and being gentle with yourself is so important. A positive, kind attitude, with forgiveness and acceptance especially when you have binged is crucial and is the canvas of our life on which we can paint success, love and happiness and whatever we want to achieve.