Never Binge Again

By: Michelle Fiordaliso, MSW, CNC

Never binging again is possible but the biggest mistake that people who binge make is saying to themselves, "I'll never binge again!" Yet, we all do it. The food is finished and then we promise ourselves that it will never happen again. Even though almost everyone that binges says that to themselves, it sets you up for self-hatred, guilt and failure. You see, no one that ends a pattern of binging does it cold turkey. You don't decide to stop and then never binge again. It's just not how ending a pattern of binging works. That's because the binge serves a very important purpose. It makes you feel better emotionally. So, if you're committed to never binging again what are the signs along the way the signify that you're succeeding:

More time between binges (even something small for example, I used to binge every other day and now only do it every third day)
Shorter binges (My binges used to last two days, now they only last an hour)
Binges on smaller amounts of food (I used to eat a gallon of ice-cream, now I eat half a pint)
The ability to stop a binge in the middle (I used to not even realize I was having a binge till it was over, now I can stop myself in the middle)
Forgiving yourself more quickly after a binge ends (I don't talk to myself in a mean way when I binge, I have compassion for myself)
Bouncing back more quickly when a binge happens (in other words recommitting to understanding and stopping your binge pattern)
Understanding what feelings set off the binge (I was able to see that I had the binge after I had a fight with my boss)
The ability to see a binge coming (even if you can't stop it yet)

Being able to acknowledge the small successes along the way is a really important step on the road to recovery. It can be all too easy to see how far you still need to go and forget how far you've already come. Ending a binge pattern is hard work but you can do it. One day you might not binge at all but it won't happen by making a declaration, it will happen by being loving to yourself and staying aware. So, don't say, "I'll never binge again." Instead, take it one gentle step at a time. Remember, you're looking for progress, not perfection.

Comments In the order they were posted.

mtn bike girl said...

I found this article very helpful. I’m starting week 3 and am realizing that I too have been using food to avoid difficult thoughts and feelings. However, as I write these things down, they don’t seem as insurmountable as I had thought they were. In total, they are pretty significant issues, but one at a time, they look manageable. I have been very hard on myself, blaming myself for not having any self-control but now I realize that the problems I’m struggling with are real....I’ve just been using ineffective coping strategies.

Keri said...

Dear Dr.Gould, I was the second commentator in your last blog. I have read and re-read your comments as they have struck me hard. You are right about thinking itself not being painfulit is dealing with the thoughts and decisions that I might have to make. I am stuck at the stage of binge eating to numb the pain of possible changes in my life. The indecision and procrastination and the feeling that I will never get what I might need or want are keeping me fat and miserable.what a sorry state to be in. I must try to deal with this.thank you.

Ben said...

thank you for the thought provoking article. I often use food to numb physical pain minor arthritis. Often I resort to food once Im tired of trying to address the cause of the pain or i begin to beleive that I'm stuck forever with it. However, the article has helped, if for nothing else, because it has reminded me again and made aware of my relationship to food. I know there are better ways to cope and maybe even a solution. Thankyou :

Margaret said...

What struck me is our connectedness of emotions, thoughts and body. When I first read your comment that eating soothes the pain of our thoughts, my first reaction was a defensive "no." But as I considered what really happens inside of me, I realized eating does not soothe the pain of my feelings but it drowns out the noise of my critical and negative voice inside of me...It was an 'aha' moment-- so thank you! Understanding that my way of operating was to make food choices, then my inner voice berates me. This is the space where my inner pain comes from, not from the food itself, not from my choices, but from what I say about those choices. This awareness has potential for some self- healing I do believe...

Liz said...

Great articles. I am a life long dieter and have hit an uncomfortable high weight again! I am emotionally mature enough at the age of 30 to realize I am past step one and am working on using my mind, to stay present, to think through the problems that come my way. I'm looking forward to see what comes next.

Rita said...

Thank you for the article and discussion it has generated. I am in the recovery process, but I still struggle with eating at night, and I usually cannot identify the cause. After dinner I just am plagued by cravings, which I usually indulge, "just one more" but I don't know why. It doesn't always turn into a full out binge, but it is a little big of loss of control and eating not for hunger. It feels more physical than mental, but if a phone call or something shifts my focus, I can lose the urge, so I am very confused and don't know how to end this behavior.

denise said...

I enjoy the SY newsletters. This 2nd blog has been particularly inightful to me, as it has made you real. I realize that you are a real author, a real doctor. But you've now become more than merely notes on a page. You are actively working toward the next level and you are taking us with you.

Bobby said...

Your articles just hit the nail in my head so hard it hurts. I am a binge eater and a bulimic and as much as I know that I am slowly killing myself it is so hard to stop, I dont know maybe I want to die. I know that I am numbing my pain but what do I do with the pain after I stopped hurting myself. Do I do not have a clue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M said...

Amazing relevance when applied across many of my own life situations. I have discovered most of these are really just faulty problem solving. I most appreciate how you distill the message in clear language, ie. "Life is complex, deal with it...." That respects my right to know the truth and gives me the courage to "deal with it". You then give concrete skills advice to focus on. Thank you.

Sarah said...

Your article certainly rings true with me. My problem is that if I want to eat then I must eat. I get massive cravings for crisps, buscuits, chocolates, sandwiches, alcohol, coffee, chips and I just can't say 'no', I know that this sounds like a joke but it isn't. If I get a craving for crisps or chocolate or anything then I will HAVE to have it there and then. There is no stopping me. I can't be shamed out of it. I will eat regardless of where I am or who is watching me. I have no shame but I loathe myself and hate myself and get annoyed at myself for it. Afterwards I beat myself up wondering why I can't stop myself and what is making me do it.

Gen said...

I agree with denise about this article making you 'real'. Thank you for addressing our comments, it is really generous of you. I have subscribed to several online 'lose weight' programmes, have spent a fortune on them but have come to realise that they give NOTHING for free. Once you pay the money, they try to tell you that you would benefit from an additional set of suggestions/menus etc, which "we can offer you at this special price." I bought your book, which I have just started and it means so much to me that, as well as offering your book and programme, you are prepared to be pro-active, by giving advice in your newsletters and your blogs WITHOUT charging us! Thank you.

laura said...

I agree, glad to know a real live time person generates these blogs. i think my issue is all to do with POWER, i feel i lack personal power in choices, and food numbs that..do i stay or end relationship, is it the right one for me, i can't tell as I have been emotionally abused in the past and seem to have lost my discrenment for this situation who or what i should BE as it was decided for me as a child i fear my own power different powers including sexual power, which i wish the doctor would address as a driver for overeating etc. Just when i get on track someone affects me or my energy and my belief that I can create my own worthy life and don't have to be an over achievermy father's programming which sends my self esteem and concious creation crashing down..ek CognitiveBehaviouralTherapy here i come again! Best wishes to you all, laura.

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