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Never Binge Again

By: Michelle Fiordaliso, MSW, CNC

Never binging again is possible but the biggest mistake that people who binge make is saying to themselves, "I'll never binge again!" Yet, we all do it. The food is finished and then we promise ourselves that it will never happen again. Even though almost everyone that binges says that to themselves, it sets you up for self-hatred, guilt and failure. You see, no one that ends a pattern of binging does it cold turkey. You don't decide to stop and then never binge again. It's just not how ending a pattern of binging works. That's because the binge serves a very important purpose. It makes you feel better emotionally. So, if you're committed to never binging again what are the signs along the way the signify that you're succeeding:

More time between binges (even something small for example, I used to binge every other day and now only do it every third day)
Shorter binges (My binges used to last two days, now they only last an hour)
Binges on smaller amounts of food (I used to eat a gallon of ice-cream, now I eat half a pint)
The ability to stop a binge in the middle (I used to not even realize I was having a binge till it was over, now I can stop myself in the middle)
Forgiving yourself more quickly after a binge ends (I don't talk to myself in a mean way when I binge, I have compassion for myself)
Bouncing back more quickly when a binge happens (in other words recommitting to understanding and stopping your binge pattern)
Understanding what feelings set off the binge (I was able to see that I had the binge after I had a fight with my boss)
The ability to see a binge coming (even if you can't stop it yet)

Being able to acknowledge the small successes along the way is a really important step on the road to recovery. It can be all too easy to see how far you still need to go and forget how far you've already come. Ending a binge pattern is hard work but you can do it. One day you might not binge at all but it won't happen by making a declaration, it will happen by being loving to yourself and staying aware. So, don't say, "I'll never binge again." Instead, take it one gentle step at a time. Remember, you're looking for progress, not perfection.

Comments In the order they were posted.

chris said...

Better mantra is, I will not binge right now. It's all in the now.

Michelle said...

Or...just for today I will not binge.

Gina said...

I just realized another kind of binge for me. That is when I stop exercising. I call it sort of a lazy-binge or a stubborn-refusal-to-exercise binge, or a rebelling-against-exercise binge. The reason it is a binge is that the net result is the same as a food binge - I gain weight and get depressed. So when I stop an exercise hiatus binge or cut it short or bounce back sooner from one rather than waiting a year before I exercise again, each of those wins is an improvement for me. Does that make sense? Can anyone relate?

Selina said...

Makes sense to me, Gina... When I get depressed I stop exercising, which makes me more depressed, which makes me eat, and so on and so on........

Margaret said...

This is a very good bit of advice - thanks.

sue*bee said...

It is so tempting when I binge to think/declare I won't binge again. I like the excitement of that new-beginning, all-or-nothing thinking -- that is, until I fail and then feel depressed, self-critical, and hopeless. I like this approach, taking baby steps, and recognizing small steps towards success. It makes sense to me. Gina, I think that's a good insight. I get away from exercising and it takes me forever to get back. I think bouncing back sooner and doing small amounts of exercise are signs of progress. What has been working for me mostly -- this past week has not been that great is using a pedometer and gradually increasing the number of steps I take per day. I can see the cycle in a lot of these things. Bingeing-hating myself-feeling hopeless and angry-eating more to comfort myself, etc. I am hopeful that through this program I can free myself from these destructive cycles that threaten my health happiness.

Michelle said...

This is a fantastic article. I am currently starting to bounce back from a no excercize-eat whatever I want-gained 8 pounds in a month kind of binge. This article has inspired me to celebrate my small success because in the end the small steps I took this week went to my aerobics class twice will be major contributors to my overall success.

Michelle said...

Michelle, That's exactly the kind of progress I'm talking about! You're taking steps in the right direction.

Trish said...

that was an excellent article. I am very ashamed that I do this, I will purge afterwards. When I first started it was due to enormous self-pity, now I do not know why I do it! I do it about every once a moneth and then will purge, if I cant purge I feel very drawn to eating until I am so sick to the point that I my body forces me too. I wish I could put my finger on it! I tried tot tell my friends about it, but its so shameful. How can I tell someone that thinks I am so put together that about once a month I am completely null to my priorities and my friends.

Kathie said...

A person told me that we should be in a sprint race. We should be in a long mile and does try a little at a time.

Ruby said...

Trish please don't be discouraged, you are still a great person and maybe you just need to talk to someone who you don't know personally about this issue and who have had experience with binge eating. Talking to someone who doesn't know you might help you feel more comfortable to share. Don't feel bad I do the same thing and I am tring desperately to stop and lose some weight.

Lynda said...

Trish, after years in a 12th step program, I have learned to talk to someone who is dealing with the same thing that I am dealing with.. The "earth people" who do not have a problem with binge eating will never understand.

D said...

I have problem with this too... Though mine is somewhat confusing to me, so maybe someone else here can figure out my problem. Whenever I binge, it happens because I can't wait for the meal to cook. While I'm cooking, I would become hungry and then start hunting for food that I can eat before my actual meal, and by the time my meal is ready, I'm already full, but then proceed to eating my meal anyways. THe worst part, is that after I finish my meal, I continue to eat other things, it's going in a horrible cycle. Anyone have any helpful comments?

Kate said...

I am trying to overcome bingeing. Like Trish, I sometimes do it once a month or every two weeks or so. It is ridiculous! I just want to be free and enjoy food as the brilliance it is the nourishment, energy, and life force to my beautiful living organism. I counted my calories for a long time, ran like there was no tomorrow, lost a tremendous amount of weight, and felt absolutely amazing. But I need a system that can still feel like that and *maintain* my weight. I feel like if I go over a certain calorie intake like eating something "bad", I have fallen of the wagon, then I binge into abyss. Pathetic!!! I want to stop! That is it. I am courageous. I am strong. And I am going to stop being a pussy pardon my language about this. This is our lives we are talking about, ladies. We have one to live. Let's live it to the fullest. Let's do it! Imagine how awesome everything can be. The divine design of nature and nourishment. We can have the bodies we want and still enjoy the lives we strive for along with tremendous time, energy, and libidos if we have faith in ourselves and focus on the goal. Come on, let's support each other and LIVE.

trish said...

thanks everyone! Katie, you are so on the money, I once had the "perfect" body, I loved it I was content, and then something happened, somewhere along the years I had lost the strength to tryh so damn hard but at the sme time how do I get my "discipline" back, I know food is suppose be for energy, but I wish I knew what triggers my crazy mode, because I dont even realize how much and fast im eating until I have wasted a good couple hours of binge and purge and then the next day because I have such a sugar rush!

Julia said...

I have a problem. And no one believes me. I have a food addiction and I binge eat. But I'm skinny. I have a bad relationship with food. Every time I eat something bad, or binge, I feel guilty afterward. I want to eat like a normal person. I still end up binging and emotional eating. There is truth to this progress thing-- I just can't STAY on it!

Michelle said...

Julia, Many thin people are emotional eaters. Sometimes weight is not an accurate reflection of how much time a person spends obsessing about food. The obsession is the most painful part for many people.

Jill said...

i've always been a foodie person, trained to be a chef and everything, achieved my goal weight during a very difficult time in my life. then i had 3 children and used being pregnant as a reason and excuse to stuff my face day in day out. 4 years on 3 children later and i have an established pattern of eating like i'm pregnant. My father who i was very close to passed away and we moved country all in the space of a week -not long ago. Now i've eaten before i even realise what i'm doing , sometimes too i wonder why i feel full all of a sudden and theres 3 cookies missing! Grief is my trigger at the moment, so I put my dads photo on the fridge as a reminder!

A3 said...

I'm in my mid-forties, have been in OA over 20 years though the last 8 have been very sporadic. I've never considered myself gone, and my eating has never been as bad as when I started OA, but it's definitely the progressive disease they warned me about - the less work I put into recovery, the harder it gets. I find that when I'm on my own, I do better around food. I was also on an antidepressant for awhile and the food cravings literally went away for the first time in my life. I felt like suddenly that tiny moment of choice just expanded enough so that I could grab on. But I can't afford the meds right now, so I've gained back some weight, and I really can feel every pound of it. I have learned not to think of what and how I eat as a moral issue I'm not bad or good the food isn't bad or good. So I don't beat myself up so much. But the fat, oh, I HATE how sore my back is in the morning, how my feet hurt, and especially, since I carry a lot of weight in my belly, the huffing and puffing when I try to do things like tie shoes or polish my toenails. I still stretch out every day, so I'm flexible enough to reach, there's just this ... obstacle. So I have to work at loving my body more with good food. I also have to let go of pleasing my family by keeping crap food around. And I wonder why, after all these years, food that I otherwise ignore calls to me if I'm in either a tacky roadside convenience store or near a vending machine. I would never buy a $1.25 candy bar at the grocery store and wolf it down in 3 bites. What is it about vending machines? Thanks for being here, folks. You've got some amazing insights into this disease. Keep checking in and - yes- sometimes it's one minute at a time. hugs, A3

Yvonne said...

This is to D. Try not to let yourself get too hungry between meals. Try to eat something that is good for your body every three hours. I had the same problem when preparing my dinner, I would be so hungry that I would eat anything that was available like bread and cheese. Now while I prepare my meals I sip on a glass of V-8 juice or any kind of vegetable juice. It seems to cut my appetite until dinner is ready. Hope this helps.

MIchelle W said...

I am so glad that I have found this support group. I have had this binging problem forever. It started when I was a kid, and I would sneak a whole loaf of bread, butter, sugar and cinnamon. And I'd eat the whole loaf. What I find most embarrassing though, is my constant weight gain and loss. It has to be very obvious to those who know me. Last November I went on Physician's Weight Loss. It is an extreme diet, because I lost 40 lbs in 4 months. I don't eat more than 800 calories a day. Well, I didn't stay on the maintenance plan, and I gained 20 lbs back. And I feel every ounce. So needless to say, I am back on the diet. And that's probably part of my problem - this extreme dieting, but I feel like I have to get back to my goal weight and then I can start eating the right way. And my bingeing obsession will be gone. It's a little harder too when my husband loves to eat. The other day, he stopped at Burger King and got a huge Steakhouse burger and a king size Fry. You don't know how bad I just wanted to lick the oozing sauce off of his face. Disgusting I know. So my point is - thank you for having this website. It is extremely helpful when I can read about others going through the same thing. I think you are right - One day at a time.

barbara said...

Yikes! I have become more aware than ever of emotional eating.After losing 36 lbs on a sensible clean eating plan with lots of exercise, I am gaining again. My best friends daughter died after 4 weeks in the hospital, my other oldest friends' dad is home dying with hospice, my uncle has dementia and is fighting having help, my mother in law just fell and broke her hip and won't live long, and my dearly loved mother is also starting the road to dementia. We are all losing out family members! I know it is that time of life and it is all to be expected but boy, is it ever sending me to the ice cream and bread!!! And I know better and I'm now clear about the connection to eating and grief but it doesn't help me stop. I'm trying to jump back on the wagon after every bad day but boy, those bad phone calls just keep coming! Thanks for the site!

Kaz said...

Thank you everyone! Its so hard sometimes living this way. I too have lost and gained more weight over my lifetime than is normal!! I was trying to stop myself from binging again, when I started reading this. One minute at a time is sometimes whats needed. x

incontrol said...

It's amazing to me a how many people are dealing with the same issues as myself. I always think I'm the only one going through binge eating and get embarrassed by it. I could never share with my husband since he can eat and stop eating whenever he wants and wouldn't understand. I just signed up for this site and it has really given me some insight. I hope it helps in the long run. The eating is out of control and needs to stop. I just want to enjoy food and life and not have to think about food all the time. It's exhausting!!

Lee said...

What a nice day to find this article. I've been doing lots of self- reflection and realize that I over eat when I feel overwhelmed...and that has been a lot recently. It is nice to find a community where this is spoken about frankly-- and helpfully!

Isis said...

I am in the healthy weight range, but have always had tendencies to overeat. I find it difficult when colleagues at work tell me I don't have to worry about my weight, I'll always be slim. They don't understand that I find it difficult to stop at one. Once I get started only a small bit of cake then another, and another. Although I'm still reasonably slim, I'm running out of clothes that fit. I worry that if I don't curb my over-eating , it'll be even more difficult once I'm pregnant. I eat very healthy food lots of vegies, wholegrain, low GI, unprocessed, but just can't stop sometimes. One bowl of Weet-bix with unprocessed bran, then keep topping it up until I've eaten 4 bowls full and feel decidedly bloated, guilty, unmotivated-then just want to eat more!

Emma said...

Its really good to know there are other people out there who are the same as me and i am not the freak i thought i was. I only eat healthy food wholemeal / steamed veg / grilled meat / salad etc but if there are any 'treats' at work i stuff them down, even sneaking more when people arent looking and when i get home in the evening i eat non stop...i stopped buying crisps / chocolate / sweets / bread etc, but just end up binging on other foods now - cheese / sauasges etc - i really feel like i have a problem and find it so difficult to stop. Has anyone got any tips for me, please?? x

luu said...

perfect! this is great : thank you for writting this.. it will help me in my next binge.

Stef said...

I am really glad I read this article today. I bought the Shrink Yourself book a month or so ago and read most of it but stopped when things in my life started getting a little better and my eating wasn't so bad. It's gotten worse lately because things in my life have gotten more stressful and I've gone back to bingeing. I did realize the past few days though that my binges weren't so bad -- that I was stopping after only a couple bad foods because I actually got full. Today was a COMPLETE loss but this article really, really helped. I can realize that even though I am upset with myself about today, the fact that I wasn't so bad the past week was actually PROGRESS. I am such an "all or nothing" person that it's hard to see that sometimes. We have to remember that -- take baby steps and don't get discouraged if you feel like you've backtracked. Go one day at a time and don't give up because then you'll never get anywhere. All you can do is keep trying! It won't make you any worse off!!

rose said...

Reading this today has helped me. I only started this program this week and have been on the site everyday learning about it but a little hesitant about writing. Today was an emotional day, and after a week of observing my eating and hunger and satiety, sticking to meal times or smack times to eat etc I ended up having an emotional day over something. I did catch up with a friend - but didn't talk about eating - only the other issues. I came home and started eating. I did note what I was feeling before I began but almost as soon as I identified it I forgot it so now I cannot remember what I was feeling other than feeling down. Does this happen to other people - food really does numb the emotions. Well the positive side is that reading this article I can identify with the progress that I am making which softens it - although I have so far to go!

Ashley said...

This was VERY helpful. How can you apply this to those with bulimia as well?

Michelle said...

It directly applies to those with bulimia. Recovering from any eating disorder is about progress, not perfection. We take little steps, and little steps become strides, and strides become smooth sailing.

peg said...

I have decided that if I want to get my comfort food and a large amount- I will plan it into my diet that day so I can still stay within my alloted daily calories or points if you are doing weight watchers...Then it is a controled binge but I get the satisfaction of eating those foods I really shouldn't eat -

mefein said...

I can relate to just about everyone...my binge eating starts nightly at 6pm..after eating healthy all day..snax and meals etc..i also love healthy food but NOT after 6 pm at night! i will stay up late rthan my husband in order to eat...i would never let him see me...although I know he can not understand how my weight fluctuates so much when i always eat properly!! since joining this program,I am defo moe concious of my hunger switch and only eat a little bit so that is progress...

Ines said...

I lost about 55lbs one year ago. Since then I was so afraid to gain the weight back as it usually happens, I started purging. I have been doing it everyday, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I am so tired of this and I am afraid of getting really sick because of this. I have a 6 yr old daughter and i don't want her to go thru the same things I did. I know I need help but I can't bring myself to tell anyone about my binges and purges. I feel like a fraud because everybody tells me I look great and whatever I am doing is working.....If they only knew how my throat always hurts from vomiting, how my right hand knucles are always red from my teeth, how I dred that I have to go to the dentist or doctor for a physical and they find bulimia..........If they only knew they wouldn't say how proud they are of me. I tried to stop a couple of times and I did it of a week at a time. But now is out of control. Help please!

Brianne said...

I weighted 180lbs. I have lost 55 lbs thorough healthy eating and activity. But the desire to eat is constantly on my mind. From the moment I wake up, till I sleep, and even waking in the middle of the night. I crave it. It is so 'painful'. Oftentimes after over eating I will vomit... or try to, sometimes my body just wont bring it back up. Sometimes I will gain 10lbs in a week. Then I will eat veggies and lift weights to the point of exhaustion for three days till I am back down to my ideal weight of 122lbs. It come and goes so quick. I am exhausted of these hounding food cravings. I dont know how to rid my mind of these thoughts, as it feels like its deep in my sub-conscious. I cant keep living like this.

Lorraine said...

I have almost finished reading the book and have implemented some of the suggestions. Today at work we have a seminar and food is being brought in. I know this will be pizza hut stuff and have my game plan in place for eating only 1 piece and letting harriet have the rest. My problem is a standing problem I have always had. I know tonight is a special treat situation but during the day and hours preceeding anything like this, I feel starved, unsatisfied with what I usually eat. I am really wanting to stuff myself right now with animal crackers or anything. Anybody have any ideas where this comes from or how to stop it. Thanks

Beth said...

I've had a horrible year. I closed a business, my husband got laid off, my father had a stroke, 2 major car repairs, a tornado came thru our neighborhood and wrecked the cars/roof/yard, I'm putting my dog of 14 years down this Friday and I'm back working at a job that I left for very concrete reasons, just to pay the mortgage. I use food to reward myself for having come thru this mayhem and for fun! When I can't think of anything else to do, food comes to mind. And I'm a foodie. I don't buy junk food, but calories are calories, no matter the source. And I use food to calm myself, when I get anxious, frustrated or feel sorry for my predicament. I'm not a positive person. I work in law enforcement where good things don't happen, no matter how strong your faith. I just can't see to get outta the gutter....

Holly Renwick said...

Emma I also have the same problem, I am considered a health freak by all my friends, loving salads, lean meat and I have even invented the 'lactose and gluten free' illnesses to allow people to be this way .... but if there is a packet of biscuits, a bar of chocolate, cake or even just bread and peanut butter I go crazy and cant stop. I dont actually like eating any of these except maybe chocolate as they do make me fee guilty and crap .... want to help each other if this sounds like you?

Leigh said...

I have been binging for 20 years and I have tried everything to stop. I am so discouraged nothing seems to work and the worst part is sometimes after a binge I feel like I would rather die than have to live with this feeling of self loathing. I feel like it is hopeless for me. I look at my kids and think why am I doing this to myself they need me and they need the happy me. I am scared it is going to really negatively impact my relationship with my husband. He knows that I binge and how upset I get but he doesn't fully get it because he is the type that could have one cookie and stop. He is wonderful but what it is like to come home to a wife who after a binge is depressed, quiet and doesn't want to be touched. I usually blame the binge on a bad day or pms. I also am the type that is active, loves to do yoga, loves to eat healthfully but then I binge every few weeks on tons of carbs and sweets to the point of feeling so sick. And then it often lasts a couple of days. My weight fluctuates a lot. It is pathetic some days I feel so great and feel I look good and a few days later I am embarrassed to even go to the gym.

arlene said...

it is 10.30 am and iv got a day of work cuz im feeling so low. iv ate a loaf of bead, pkt ham and cheese and a full christmas tin of cadbury chocolates. and i feel like shit physically and emotionally. even while writing this i am munchin on chocolate and tears are coming down my face. i really dont think i can go on living like this. i would not wish this on my worst enemy. i have no1 and live in belfast and there are no therapists or organisations who can help me. im sending out an sos! im reading all of ur blogs and im trying to get inspired believe me ur all wonderful people but i just cannot stop eating.

Pat said...

What a relief to come here and see people who understand what I go through. Thank you for sharing. I've tried so much. Weighed 330, lost 63, fell off into a birthday cake 2 years ago and have gained back 30 pounds and counting. Just at 5 donuts and 2 packs from a Little Debbie box. Took the rest out to the trash--at least I won't dig in the outside garbage!! Am so sick of people saying it is will power and those that do have never been where the person is Belfast is--eating with tears running down your face--I have been there and it is hell. I am binging again after stopping for about 9 months and then it gradually came back, one bad food at a time. I went to a therapist for depression and to get some help but she was a big as I was. We became friends and she gave me a job as her bookkeeper--but as far as the compulsive eating, she could not help. Thanks for everyone honest sharing. It really helps to know we are not alone.

LouLou said...

I wish every one with binge eating disorder all the love, luck and happiness they deserve. I've had this revolting problem for 14 years. I HATE it. It's so disgusting. I have to stop, I don't want my daughter to have this problem, I don't do it in front of her, but I don't want her to ever see me doing it. She's almost three, I've got a chance to eradicate it as much as possible before she becomes too aware. Last year I lost 70 pounds, and although I'm still 15 pounds above my healthy weight my binge eating issue has slowly returned to the point where it's the worst its ever been. The only time I ever stopped completely was when I was pregnant, for 9 months my body was not mine to abuse, it was the haven for my baby daughter to grow and she is more important than anything.

jennine said...

just today i went on a binge but it wasn't bad. it only lasted 20 minutes or so then i was able to stop. luckily there wasn't any more good food or i might of kept going. i felt like gong to mc donalds but i didn't good for me. I was out of control for a minute. it was kind of scary because i did so good in excercising today

scarlett said...

Today i prepared a breakfast the way I used to eat. I have been treating myself to this breakfast for many years. Half way through it i realized that I do not eat like this anymore -not the amount not the number of bread slices and I stopped mid way. Was this a binge?- it was not out of control it was a deliberate I deserve this meal I have eaten it half my life and it delights me to eat it kind of thinking. i looked down at all this food and just stopped and walked away.

Marnie said...

Well, I am glad I found you. For 7 seven years I stringently managed my diet and exercise, at one point was extremely athletic and well-toned. In the last year, after a series of disappointments in which I was determined to try and correct, I finally became so darn frustrated that I...started to binge on sweet carbohydrates and gained maybe 30 lbs. I am resentful of having to go back to a controlled lifestyle. I am resentful of being judged for weight gain. I need to stop thinking about the difficulty and grief and anger of the past, and commit to being a happier healthier me. Which means healthy GI diet again, daily activity. I just feel burned out. How do you get started again, when your body hurts from the weight gain, and it all feels futile, and reminds you of all the effort that didn't quite get you to a happy place?

Leonard said...

Never say never!

Leonard said...

Thanks for the new slant on not only re-tuning binging, but on everything else. Not even through with the first week, SY has my thinking in a different way already! For the first time in years I actually have hope about transforming bad eating habits into helpful ones.

ali said...

I am a bulimic and this line of thought does help, I think. I went from bulimic to regular bingeing to occasional bingeing... to me, just not making myself sick is progress and it *is* getting better... as long as I allow myself some 'mistakes'. It's all about forgiving myself. Nobody could possibly be as hard on me or expect as much of me as I do... which I feel is the root of my problems.

jane said...

I am relieved to find this site..... emotional eating, and all the out-of-controlness, and desperation that goes along with it. It is a relief even just to call it emotional eating..... to recognize it as the maw that medicates all the internal discomfort. I am lonely and often bored, and often disappointed....actually, for the past couple of years, after being very 'out-there' in my community trying to be a mover and a shaker, I am very 'in-here'.....subdued, and mostly disinterested.....mostly apathetic...... And really, the EEE's have remained constant throughout.... and if there was one magical thing I could wish for me and all of us here, it would be to cure EEE's...... to reverse this emotional wastage and redirect it all to a passionate, awe-filled life. I am now on week one of this program......I have read all the literature pretty well.... Fat is a Feminist Issue, Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, Fat is a Family Affair, Hot and Heavy, Addicted to Perfection, and on and on.... more understanding in an intellectual way is not going to help me. However, a day by day, rerouting of this energy pattern, this seems hopeful.....

allan said...

congratulations you are all free! i am ruined and psycho in bed with cake. i hate this. i give up. ill just be a fat person. im completely nuts. whats the point!? i keep redeeming and binging redeeming and binging it never ends, i cant cope anymore. im ruined. i need something mega drastic - maybe ill buy a new supplement and start the mega redemption tomorrow and starve myself

Shrink Yourself

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Never Binge Again

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Emotional
Eating