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The Moral of the Story is Care

Maurice Sendak's book "Pierre" tells the story of a little boy who says, "I don't care " to everything. When a lion shows up threatening to eat Pierre and Pierre retorts his usual, "I don't care", the lion eats him. The moral of the story is, care.

So often I hear people who struggle with their weight say, I saw the piece of cake and a voice inside me said, "I don't care, I'll just eat it." Or [they'll tell me,] I sat there with the whole box of Samoa Girl Scout Cookies and heard myself say, " I don't care, I'll eat the whole box. After all Girl Scout Cookie season only comes around once a year." Or getting ready for the gym and that same voice will say, "I don't care if I never wear a bathing suit again, I'll just sit here and watch Oprah."

I'm here to tell you not to believe that voice. The truth is that you do care. You care very much. That's why you've tried diet after diet and that's why you looked for and found our website, book, or online program.

Human beings feign disinterest when something feels too hard. If you have a child you've probably heard them say, "I don't care if I never ride a bike." "I don't care if those kids invite me to their party." They care very much, but they're afraid of failing, and so are you.

It's not that you don't care, it's that you feel defeated or afraid to set yourself up to fail. And why shouldn't you? Diets set you up to fail because they don't offer you the information you need to lose the weight you want. You don't need an eating plan. You don't need someone to tell you that a box full of caramel coated cookies isn't good for you. You already know all that.

What you need is to find your hope again by seeing real change. The kind of change you're looking for in your body begins in your mind. It begins with a conviction to care. Care for your health. Care for your self-esteem. Care for your future. When you care, you can stay true to yourself in the moment and make better choices.

By: Michelle Fiordaliso, MSW, CNC - Clinical Director, Shrink Yourself

12 Comments In the order they were posted.

Jason said...

Michelle, that's so very true! Sometimes I feel so wrapped up in my weight, that it seems impossible to manage. But, if I step back and address other aspects of my life, my weight is just one piece of my life and it begins to feel more manageable. Great point.

francine ranay boylan said...

I read the article above and I guess I just dont care about myself I never thought I would ever have a weight problem I eat constantly If I do not feel stuffed then I feel empty. I am at the point of not wanting to go anywhere or do anything but eat and I just cant seem to help myself I guess its just easier. I swear I was never like this I always took very good care of myself I even did some modeling and I still have the clothes from then and I could not even get one of my legs into the pants or shorts. My husband laughs when he looks at my old wardrobe. Please help me to learn how to care about me again I dont know where that person is????

Jen said...

I can so relate to this. I believe I have always been an emotional eater as far back as I can remember. I don't know what makes me do it. I get lonely, sad, depressed, feeling unwanted or unappreciated. I turn to food for comfort. My weight goes up and down. It has all my life. I was diagnosed with diabetes in 1996. I took herbs and lost 190 pounds but I still struggle on a day to day basis with my weight and this dreaded emotional eating habit that I so desperately need to break. Thanks for sharing the stories. I will be getting books from the library in my area on emotional eating disorders. Thanks again and God bless you.

ready to change said...

I too really relate to this article. I hadn't thought of it in this way not caring but, I had just said to myself,"who cares, I'll exercise tomorrow", so there you go. I'm glad others are out there like me. The truth is I do care, alot. Thanks for listening.

joanne said...

Once I shared how in my head I'll think - "I just don't care" and I go ahead and eat whatever. I said that I really do care, so why do I do that and does anyone have any tips. A lot of people in the group started giving me some tips and saying words of understanding and encouragement. One lady came over and sat by my chair to further talk to me, another lady gave me a marker that she used to write down what she ate. Told me to use it, and it would help and that she had extra and wanted me to have one. I was very touched by their sincere gestures and words. It wasn't so much what they said, but the support that made such a difference, it helped a lot. But, it was temporary. Should I try or expect to receive support on an ongoing basis from others or try and give that to myself from myself. Independence or interdependence. Or is that even the basis for saying "I don't care".

Margaret Roxburgh said...

Recently I was fantastically helped by the 12 week Shrink Yourself Programme and lost an amazing 22kilos in 7months. I did it for myself and was so proud of my achievements. I travelled home to NZ last month to my son's wedding and was thrilled the family were so happy for me, apart from my daughter who for the first time in her life saw me as small if not smaller than she. She was very rude to me and told me the wedding was not about me and that it was time to step back from the family. I felt so desolate lost and alone and felt I could not share tis with my four sons as I truly knew this was not a time to be making rifts within the family. I found my happiness ebb away as quickly as bath water emptying down the drain. Over the few days of wedding celebrations I cried inside continually and suddenly found I was back eating as fast and destructively as I had in the past. I felt like a nobody and least of all the loved mother I thought I was. Now I am back here again I have taken a long hard look at things and am slowly getting back on track. I gained 3 kilos and know that will double and treble if I continue to feel sorry for myself, I realise over my lifetime I surely have binged on food when things have hurt, but this time I can see what I am doing and hopefully have recognised the inner confidence Shrink Yourself programme has given me and I know I have control not my daughter nor anyone else and I will 'knock the monkey off my shoulder' and persevere for my own good and self belief. It is also very wonderful to read of others experiences and the way they cope in difficult times. I am pleased I have 'emotions' clearly clarified as the cause of my overeating and wanting to FILL the Empty void left from the hurt and isolation, as this clarifacation helps me to meet my needs, not by eating for comfort, but rather drawing strength from the knowledge that I have been a wonderful mother and provided for each of my children and deep down I know they really do love me. This makes me have the belief in myself to be strong and take the knocks without any more emotional eating.

Molly said...

Because I tend to use food to reward and punish me based on many old childhood tapes, I can see that caring is right there in front of me--why would I be so interested in reward and punishment if I did not care--thanks

Andrea said...

I binge when I feel like I cant complete something like one of uni assignments of work for work or prac. I used to do a lot worse and today I ate a box of muesli and threw it up. The first few bowls I justified - itll be all right you didnt eat any rice yet. Then another one itll be all right youre going to the gym later. But really it was all a bit I dont care - but I did really - but Im back on it from about 20 minutes ago and will eat better for the rest of the day and breathe and stay seated when i think I cant edit anymore. I need to believe I really can do these things.

Laura said...

This article was excellent. I tell myself the same thing when I want to eat something. I almost feel like I'm a child when this happens instead of a 38 year old! Emotionally speaking, I think I haven't grown up very quickly. Instead of learning from my mistakes and working through the emotions, I've gone into my "safe" place by eating. The emotions are there for a reason, they have been speaking to me for decades and I haven't listened like I should have. It's painful feel them! But I feel like I am finally at a place in my life where I can start to face who I am now and face the pain head on with an online support system - seems like the answer.

qian said...

"... Diets set you up to fail because they don't offer you the information you need to lose the weight you want. You don't need an eating plan. You don't need someone to tell you that a box full of caramel coated cookies isn't good for you. You already know all that." So true! "What you need is to find your hope again by seeing real change. The kind of change you're looking for in your body begins in your mind. It begins with a conviction to care. Care for your health. Care for your self-esteem. Care for your future. When you care, you can stay true to yourself in the moment and make better choices." Thank you for saying these. Thank you...

rosie said...

It surely is good to read these comments. It reminds me I am not alone in this battle...it is part of the human condition to want to indulge self and destroy the evil in us by eating..the voice tells us we don't matter, we don't need to keep caring...dear Friend Jesus said "if you want to follow after me, DENY YOURSELF, take up your cross, and follow Me." The world, the flesh and the devil says to indulge self...I want to listen to my True Love who tells me I am beautiful, of great worth and value. My body is His temple..He dwells in me, if I let Him. I must not destroy it. If I do, He'll not stop me......I am in control of all that. I choose. Part of the old self is still there and wants to destroy, even obliterate myself with food......I lose it and gain it and get sick of it all...but I know I must keep on choosing right and it'll come right....I need Divine help, I believe to get above the inertia, and evil, that wants to pull me down into the grave. I choose not to shorten my life. I know if I hadn't had this belief, I would have been well over 100kgs maybe 200....who knows.....I am thankful, my setpiont is round 80kg. I know it should be 70......and I am trying to get there...every day I try. I eat healthy, and exercise often, but I still haven't got the calorie in versus calorie burnt equation right. It takes trial and error...keep trying...never, ever give up.....rose

tina said...

SO TRUE. WONDERFUL ARTICLE. I know that when I care for myself, each day, taking a moment to de-stress, I lose weight that week. I care by doing fun things, or things I haven't done in ages. When I care, I am not tempted by anything.. I am happy. I have been able to lose 27 pounds and I am about 3 pounds from my goal weight by exercising, eating a high-nutrient, plant-based diet, and caring and loving myself unconditionally.

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