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Tip of the Week: Comfort Food or Just Comfort?

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When you use food as a source of comfort, you are actually denying yourself the comfort you really need and deserve. If you overeat because you are tired, overwhelmed, angry, scared or frustrated, then you are actually covering up the real "need" that you should be listening to. And you probably won't find lasting comfort until you pay attention to the desires of that whisper from within.

This week's tip is to focus on getting your real needs met. Is there something you need more than food? What can you do to address your discomfort, other than eat? Here is an example from one of our members...

One night last week I ran to the store to grab some milk. When I was there I was so tempted to buy a big bag of chips. Instead of buying it (and then eating it all) on the way home I decided to pause and observe myself. At first I just thought I just wanted them because they're crunchy and delicious, but then I realized that what I really wanted and needed was to unwind from a frustrating day of work. So I didn't buy the chips. Instead I went home and told my family I needed a few minutes to myself. I went to my bedroom with a newspaper and a cup of coffee and relaxed. And it felt great!

When you're tempted to eat something you know you shouldn't, pause and observe. Try to identify the real need and how you can get that need met. If you are angry, you might need to vent to someone. If you are overwhelmed, you might need to ask for help. If you are scared, you might need to find reassurance. Whatever the need is, dealing with it directly will always make you feel better than food.


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18 Comments In the order they were posted.

Happy mum said...

I fully understand this very problem. When I started with the breastfeeding I was told that I need to eat a lot of soups, sweets and drink juices. I had a lot of problems with breastfeeding and realized that I ate the sweets so that I do not need to deal with the real problem and it hit me and also made me think about my history of emotional eating. I gained some weight although I was very careful during the pregnancy and did not gain more than necessary weight and I am trying to control it now. It is hard as I cannot be on diet while breastfeeding but I do not eat as much as before. Also, I managed to cope with breastfeeding problem. There is always a solution. Even if the solution is not what we planned I believe that everything happens for a reason. Now I know and I just have to be persistent and get rid of this fat.

Kathleen said...

It's helpful to think of this double whammy situation because it gives me more reason to put down the whatever, and stop and think like in the story. When I think about overeating in these terms, every time I overeat and don't really figure out what is bothering me means I just missed an opportunity to find out about myself and bring myself to awareness, my inner purpose and to align and discover my outter purpose. The second whammy being the extra calories etc.

Lorraine said...

I agree. There have been times when I stopped to figure out what I really needed and took a nap or gone for a walk or made a phone call, etc. and avoided using food as my cure-all. That always feels so much more sane and balanced than stuffing my face. The hard part for me is that I've binged for so many years that it's my default mode. It's the first thing I turn to when I'm under pressure or in a time crunch. By the time I realize I should think about what I really need, I've socked away a half gallon of ice cream. I've been practicing lately how to put the brakes on, but it's going to take some time before I've got that new habit firmly in place. I know I'll have to be vigilant about food for the rest of my life, but I'm trying to get to a place where food is not the first thing I think of when things get tough. Heck, I'm happy when food is not the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning.

Lorene said...

I find that I canuse the excuse of just hanging out int he kitchen when I want to comfort myself with food creating all sorts of dishes that we don't need yet just so I can be near food. What I need to do more often is remove myself from the scene of the crime and pick up a book or something in another room away from food. It's amazing how my urge to overeat will pass when I do this. And then I can focus on what is going on and why I wanted to pig out.

debbie said...

i just had a day like that, where i needed to relax after a busy stressful day at work, only i wasn't so successful in decompressing and went straight for the sweets. in hindsight i should have done just what the memeber suggested -------- take a few minutes to really figure out what i need and do it! i too have binged for many many years and it too is my default mode. Lorraine you helped me realize it's going to take some time, not instant like i alwasy expect.

robyn said...

This speaks to my last week- where I have been eating food for comfort- i am having major issues in my relationships with my daughters- more recently my oldest who I saw on vacation in London. She is a woman- and when together- she appears to have some significant issues she is harboring against me about the past. I came home and have been eating foods I haven't binged on in months. I recognize I am angry and upset and confused. So I am writing all of this down and getting it out- and have shared these issues with a close friend. I am feeling better- but I need to go deeper so the thoughtless eating stops. It hurts- but now I must take care of me and this is the only way to address it as it will compromise my health and well being. I may end up not being close to either of my daughters- and that is the reality.

Barry Hottle said...

My tendency is a bit different. My wife and I taught side by side for over half of my career, until I retired three years ago this June. She must teach for two more years. The freedom of retirement is wonderful, but not having my very best and dearest friend by my side has been a challenge, even though I know that we have a short time to go before her retirement. I am a fitness believer and hit the road on my bike three or four times a week, but it is still too easy to take comfort in food! I much remind myself regularly to behave!

Mary Kukla said...

I too suffer from binge eating when under stress,angry, tired. And food does not really offer any relief and the guilt afterwards can be worse then the binging. So I am going to make my self a promise to stop and decompress, relax and get control before I eat anything.

Pam said...

Wow can I relate! But my issue isn't that I overeat so much as what I eat. Today, I had a fast food lunch simply because I wanted to feel more relaxed and fed with fatty stuff seems to do that. Didn't snack at all. But I know I'll see the results tomorrow. I rationalize by saying how I rarely do it. But I think it's often enough that it sets back my gains. My worry is that I'll pass this trait on to my children - who, by the way, are also the source of much of my frustration!

Lana Elizabeth said...

I too suffer from emotional eating and binge eating.I really do not even want the food that I eat.I just do not want to feel certain feelings-like sadness,anger,insecure,jealous or any uncomfortable feeling.I really do not know how to stop eating for comfort.I feel that all I have to enjoy is food and now I know that it is making me miserable and fat.

Geri said...

I tend to do this too. I get stressed at work, and the first thing I think of to unwind is either a big dinner or munchies in the form of chocolate, crisps/chips, and jelly sweets. Now I've figured out that I hold a lot of stress in my jaw muscles and that chewing actually eases the tension there. So I'm trying to switch to sugar free gum and massaging my jaws which sounds a lot weirder than it looks. I heard somewhere that office workers are prone to holding stress in their jaws, does anyone else have this?

JMS said...

Geri - I actually have to use a mouth guard at night because I clench my teeth so much. I have made a habit of trying to distract myself when I reach for junk. I then have an opportunity to decide if I'm really and truly hungry...more often than not I am just tired or unhappy about something. Sitting back and "observing" my emotions gives me some peace of mind to recognize the triggers that set me off. I have lost about 70 pounds already but truly breaking free from emotional eating will help me to lose the last 10-15 that I want off.

amira said...

actually i understand exactly what r u talking about, but really sometimes I just have that blind desire of eating eating , i started to have real problems with my health but I don't know how to stop this habit or diseas or whatever what is?? i feel blind line nothing in my mind, i feel nothing when I overeat. It is the problem of my life, I get boared, but I know am going to find out a solution I will keep on trying

Zolette1 said...

This is true, I started to buy candy and thought I just needed the dark chocolate with mint flavor...yum...what I realized when I asked myself what I really needed beside empty calories was a cup of hot tea and to complete a task that was nagging me. I did and I felt so much better even without the chocolate.

Sarah said...

Though I understand what you mean here I don't see how its possible to break the pattern. I comfort eat because I'm lonely in the evenings and weekends. There isn't a cure for that. I know exactly what I'm doing and can't stop, because if I could stop being lonely and have friends or a boyfriend to hang out with I'd obviously be doing that instead. What difference does it make if I eat an extra biscuit when there isn't anyone around to care what I look like anyway. The idea that simply accepting why you overeat can help u stop is obsurd. There isn't a solution to the emotional reason why I eat so there it is, just gonna carry on eating.

TJ said...

To Sarah...you took the words right out of my mouth if only the food instead, right?? I am completely aware of what I'm doing when I'm doing it. I know all the reasons behind it. So then what??? Like Sarah said...you can't just go out and GET a boyfriend or husband. That is, if you have standards. And to say "if I just lose some weight I could get a man". Says who? If he's not attracted to me NOW then why would I want a man who's only attracted to me when I'm smaller?

Sissy said...

To Sarah and TJ - Perhaps if you would try getting out and involved in something you care about, like a charity, you would be able to kill two birds with one stone. You would be doing something rather than eating, and you would meet people and maybe get that "boyfriend" you want. I, too, eat when I'm bored or lonely, but I have begun to conciously try to substitute another activity for food. I have taken up needlework again to keep my hands busy when I think I want to snack at night. As for men not being attracted to you unless you're thin, I think they're attracted to bright, interesting, fun women, regardless of size. The ones who aren't are hardly worth worrying about!

diane said...

sometimes i feel as if i binge to scratch an itch. i know i'm overeating, but it feels good. sometimes i can't tell the difference between being hungry and not....i feel like my stomach is a pit most times. i am lonely and nothing cures that, at 11:30pm when work is done. people are asleep. i write it down, how i feel, then get even more sad/pathetic feeling. maybe counseling would be better.

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